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No matter how much I wish it didn’t have to be this way.
23
HARLOW
The last thing I expected was to be bombarded before I even had the time to put down my purse on reaching my office. My door is still open, giving Coach Kozak the opportunity to storm in. He’s not usually like this — normally, he’s almost overly careful not to crowd my space.
Then again, he doesn’t normally look like he’s ready to tear the building down with his bare hands, either. His shoulders rise and fall rapidly with every ragged breath. “Are you sick?” It’s the first thing I think to ask because, well, he looks sick.
“No. Not the way you’re thinking.” I’m still standing next to my desk and gaping at him in shock when he closes the door to give us privacy. “You’ll never guess what just landed in my lap.”
“What is it?” Countless horrific images race through my head. Does he know? Oh, God, wouldn’t that be the cherry on top of the sundae? Here I am, finally doing the right thing, and he found out, anyway.
“One of our players wants to trade.”
That doesn’t make me feel any better. Especially considering how freaked out he is. He’d be unhappy no matter who was asking for the trade, but this? He looks like he’s ready to throw up.
“Which player?” And why do I feel like I should sit down before I get the news?
“Ryder.”
No. it isn’t happening. Why would he do this?You idiot. You know exactly why he’s doing it.“I don’t understand. Did he…” I can’t bring myself to say it.
“What, did he give me the respect of an explanation? No. It’s complicated.” He makes air quotes around the words before scoffing and shaking his head. “It’s not complicated at all, but would he tell me the truth? Of course he wouldn’t.”
Ryder. I can’t believe he feels like he needs to do this. I lower myself into my chair as carefully and casually as I can. Sure, I have to appear concerned, but I can’t lose it the way he is. “You think he’s lying to you?”
“He’s not being honest. I called him out, you know.” He grabs the back of one of the chairs across from where I’m sitting so hard, his knuckles stand out bone white. “I told him I know what this is about, but he won’t admit it. I swear, some of these kids treat me like I was born yesterday. Do they honestly think they can pull anything over on me?”
You’d be surprised. “What do you think it’s about?” Oh, please, don’t make me regret asking that question.
“What else? It’s about a girl. It’s always about a girl.” He shakes the chair until the legs scrape the floor and put my teeth on edge. “Everybody thinks they’re special. Like they’re the first person who ever got mixed up like this. I never had kids of my own, but I’ll be damned if I don’t understand now why my old man used to lose his temper on me. Because I wouldn’t listen. I was dead set on screwing things up.”
“That’s how we all are,” I murmur. I can barely hear my own voice, my heart’s pounding so hard. “We have to learn for ourselves. We tell ourselves we’ll do things better. Differently. We’ll be smarter.”
“Yeah, but it always ends up the same, doesn’t it?”
Yes, it does. Because I told myself I could handle a relationship even when that was a stupid, selfish belief. Because I was never in this alone, and you can’t make somebody get along with someone else. I can only manage myself. I can’t force them into anything. You would think somebody with my training would know that.
Who am I kidding? I did know that. But I still put on blinders and told myself we could handle things.
Look where it got me. This poor man looks like he’s about to have a stroke. “You should sit down. I mean it,” I insist when he rolls his eyes. “Take a breath. Let’s talk it out.”
“What is there to talk out? He’s made up his mind. I got him to agree to think it over for a little while, but that won’t last forever.” He plops into the chair, then bends to prop his elbows on his knees and lower his face into his palms. “I don’t want to do this.”
“I know. I would hate to see it happen, too.”
“But I don’t want him to stick around if he’s unhappy, either.”
His kindness only drives the knife deeper. I have to practically sit on my hands and bite my tongue off to keep from throwing myself at his feet and begging forgiveness. I was supposed to help the team, not destroy it. I was supposed to get the players working together, not pit them against each other until one of them has to leave.
“Maybe there’s some way we can get him to change his mind.” Am I being helpful, or am I only making things worse by giving him hope? What’s the alternative, though? Telling him there’s no use in trying? No, he needs to believe there’s a way to stop this, even if there isn’t.
And there I was, thinking I had already foreseen every way this could pan out. I went through every outcome I could imagine and always came back to the simple truth that we can’t be together.
But I never saw Ryder asking for a trade. Is it that unthinkable, being here after what happened between us? I know how his mind works, and I can only blame myself for not seeing it.
“I’m going to need you to step up for me.” He raises his head and his eyes gleam with something close to mania. “You’re going to have to get them to work it out.”
