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“I thought for sure we were covered, but after googling the hell out of birth control and condoms and still pregnant, I found out I’m not the only one who had two methods fail them. It’s scary to think of, but it happens.”
“I am so glad I don’t have to worry about that anymore.”
I blink at her. “Are you and Cormac trying?”
“Not technically, but we’re not making much of an effort to avoid it.”
I fight the urge to grin at her. “Is that something you want?”
“I think so. I mean, it’s scary as hell to think about, but I’ve never been in a better position in my life for this, and it feels like the right time.”
The grin pops out. “I am so happy for you!”
“Don’t get ahead of us yet. It’s tentative right now. We’ll see how things go.” She smiles and sighs. “What about Owen? Have you considered what happens when he asks about his dad?”
“He’s already started. It’s hard to know what to tell him. If I handle it wrong, then I could wreck him for life, you know?”
“It’s a lot to handle. What have you told him so far?”
“That his dad was an explorer—
“What?”
I laugh, realizing what I had and hadn’t told her. “The night we met—the only night we had together—was the night before he was leaving for some months-long camping trip to the Andes. He wanted to explore the world and himself and become a better man…don’t roll your eyes. It all sounded romantic at the time. Like, old world romantic in a Hemmingway-style. And I get it. I still do. I’d love to travel like that.”
“Sure. No responsibilities sounds great.”
I laugh. “Yeah. Definitely. We connected on that level and so many others that night. It was almost like talking to an old friend. Everything clicked. No awkward silences.” I sigh. “So, I told him his father was an explorer and that he left to explore before he could learn that I was pregnant with him, and he’s left it at that so far. But I know more questions are coming. They have to.”
“Of course. Sounds like you’ve handled it well so far, though.”
“Thanks. I hope so. He deserves to know everything, but only when he’s at the right age for it. I won’t lie to him if I can avoid it.” A thought occurs to her and I know her too well for her to hide it. “What?”
“And you have never heard from him?”
I shake my head. “Not a peep.”
“No way to reach out to him?”
“I don’t know his last name. Or if that was even his real first name. You don’t know with people these days. I’d thought about trying to track him down through the airlines, but I never knew what flights he was taking. The morning after, he had to go early so he wouldn’t miss his plane, and I wasn’t much of a morning person back then. He could have told me, and I still would have missed it, if he told me before my coffee.”
She sits back. “I want to ask you something that is absolutely none of my business, but I have been curious ever since you told me the truth about Owen’s conception.”
“Sure.”
“You’re not particularly religious. Why did you decide to keep him?”
I take a deep breath and relax. It’s one of the few decisions in my life I’ve ever been sure of, so it doesn’t bother me to tell her. “You’re not the only one to ask me about that. As soon as I told Mom and Dad I was pregnant, they were practically making an appointment for me at Planned Parenthood. But I told them. no. When I found out, it just felt like it was my time to become a mom. I knew it would be hard. Likely the hardest thing I’d ever do. But when I read the pregnancy test, and the second one, and the third one, I cried happy tears each time. I wasn’t scared of doing this. I was thrilled that I’d get to.”
“How come?”
“I went on birth control for my terrible endometriosis. When I was going through all of that, I was told there was a significant chance I’d never have kids—my lesions were so bad that they thought a pregnancy might not implant. It crushed me to hear that. I’d always thought I’d be a mom. So, when I found out I was pregnant, I had to take the chance.”
Lily frowns. “Wait, so little Owen had to beat through a condom, your birth control pills,andendometriosis? Damn. He deserved to be born after all that.”
I snort another laugh. “Yeah, he did. Anyway, my parents weren’t exactly on board at first. They tried to talk me out of it or to put him up for adoption, since I was just starting out at Billingsley. But, I lucked out, and everyone there has been very supportive. It’s a part of why I try my damnedest to stay on top of everything there—that and they cover almost all of Owen’s tuition.”
“Considering the rates, yeah, I’d do the same if I were you. When did your folks come around?”
