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“Didn’t know…my son?”
“Shit,” he mumbles, before flagging down the bartender and ordering a whiskey neat. “Gonna need something stronger than coke for this conversation.”
“That’s what you said, right? My son. As in, I have a son.”
Cormac nods, and the bartender must have overheard us, because he’s much faster with the whiskey than he was with our other drinks. He downs the whiskey like it was a shot. “She was supposed to tell you last night. I thought she did. That’s what she told Lily she was going to do.”
I can’t even…the words don’t make any sense at all. I’m clammy and nauseous and dizzy. Is this what a stroke feels like? My sandpaper tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth until I finish my drink. “She didn’t say a thing to me last night. Or yesterday, or today.”
“Fuck.”
“Cormac, when did you find out about this alleged situation?”
He sighs. “It’s notalleged, Everett. I never saw it before, because it never occurred to me, but Owen Bueller looks just like you did at his age.”
A sinking feeling takes over, and I’m sure I’m going to vanish into the floor. Part of me wants to. “Tell me everything you know.”
“Your one-night stand left her pregnant, according to Lily, who has known Aria forever. Lily says you gave Aria your middle name and no last name that night, and that’s why she’s never reached out to you before. She didn’t know how. But when she saw you at the party—"
“That’s why she freaked out, isn’t it?” I scrub my hand over my face and fight the urge to dig my palms into my eyes. “It wasn’t just seeing me…it was seeing her child’s father in the flesh after all these years. Fuck.”
He slowly nods. “I would think it would be a hell of a shock for her, considering she did not know who you are.”
Right now, we’re in the same boat. I’m shocked, and I do not know who I am at the moment, other than a guy who just found out he’s a father. “I don’t…I don’t know what to say.”
“There’s no wrong or right thing to say. I didn’t think I’d be telling you about you being a father today—I thought I’d be consoling you and helping you warm up to the idea.”
Suddenly, my onion rings feel like a bad idea, and I shove them over to him. “That’s yours now.”
He nods once. “I’m sure you don’t know, but what do you want to do about all of this?”
“You’re right. I haven’t a clue, other than to get stinking drunk. But I’m a father, so that feels wrong somehow. Oh fuck, did I just say I’m a father?”
He chuckles drily. “Yeah. You did.”
“I don’t think…I don’t know if I can do this, Cormac.”
“It’s too soon to figure it all out right now, Everett. Give yourself some time to think about everything and decide what you want to do about this.”
A hard knot lodges in my throat. We had sex almost six years ago, so he’s five. “Kindergarten?”
Cormac nods.
“Owen?”
Another nod.
“I’ve missed five birthdays. Five Christmases. Five…I don’t know what the kid holidays are—Halloween! I’ve missed five Halloweens!”
“Take it easy. It’s not—"
“I’m a terrible father!”
He laughs. “Calm down, Everett.”
“This situation does not call for calming down, Cormac. This is the kind of situation that calls for…I don’t even know.”
“Why don’t you give yourself some time to think about everything?”
