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His words burned because of course they were true. I dated and dated over the years, trying to fill a hole I knew only Michael could fill.
“I am sorry that I hurt you for years,” I said and looked away. “I am so sorry that I did that. More sorry than you’ll ever know.”
My words seemed to cool his temper. “Bridget, I…”
“Just…let’s take a little time with this? Go do whatever you’d do, and I’ll stay in here. We both need to cool off. And think. Last night was great, but maybe it’s impossible.” We already knew I was fucked up, after all. Why wouldn’t I fuck this up, too?
He shook his head. “That sounds very reasonable. I don’t feel like being reasonable, Bridget. Let’s go for a walk. We said we were going to, so let’s walk to the hills and back. Right now.”
I remembered the discussion, but it felt like a week ago and not that morning. Michael held out his hand, and even though I should probably throw him out of the room so I could obsess in private, I took it. He strung our fingers together and walked out the backdoor with me easily. Movement caught my attention from the corner of my eye, as I was sure it was meant to, letting me know Tito was there.
It might feel private, but it wasn’t. Because of the circumstances, I likely wouldn’t know true privacy for a long time. I thought about that and remembered the threat of the Russians. Something tweaked at the edge of my memory, an irritation as if I half-forgot something. I asked him, “How did Sylvie know what happened to you and that I was here?”
“The hospital. She knew I got shot from someone there, and her source apparently told her you were with me from there. The rest she discerned or faked knowing more than she knew for sure.” He shrugged then brought my hand to his mouth and kissed it. “I’m sorry for what I said and did and didn’t do. I really fucked today up.”
I tried to shrug and maybe managed it a little bit. “I got a pretty haircut from the experience.”
“I love it. I won’t let anyone talk to you like that again. I’ll defend you from verbal assaults. I will do better. I don’t know how to fight with women, so I ignore it when Sylvie jabs at me. I made a mistake.”
The path beneath our shoes was gravel, and I listened to the crunch of our footsteps for a few moments before I said, “You know she only does that—and did what she did today—because she’s in love with you.”
He squeezed my fingertips gently. “I’m sorry if I hurt her. It didn’t last very long, what happened between us. I was clear with her and polite in the end. I’m not in love with her, Bridget. I’ve only ever loved one woman in my life.”
I tried not to love that so much.
12
We made it to the hills, which were beautiful and rolling. I might have appreciated them more if it hadn’t started to drizzle icy rain. My sweatshirt didn’t have a hood and neither did Michael’s. Fortunately, on the walk back, it stopped and then the breeze felt nice. I supposed I should be giving a thought to my hair. The rain probably didn’t help it, but worrying about how I looked didn’t come naturally to me. I was beginning to think it never would.
“What are you thinking about?” Michael squeezed my hand again. I appreciated how he allowed me to linger in silence if my thoughts strayed. I was a person who did like to get lost in my head, so it was nice to not just be seen, but also be appreciated.
I grinned at him and let go of his hand.Maybe I’m not done giving him a little bit of a hard time yet…“Hey, Tito.” I yelled ahead to where I was sure the man hid behind a tree. “Tell Roy and Stephen that all of you are invited in tonight to play poker with us. Five-dollar limit. It’ll be fun.”
Turning around, I lifted my eyebrows at Michael. “It’ll be fun, right?”
He smirked at me. “Sure. And you’re letting me know that you’re not over today just yet. I get it. Okay. Tonight, we’ll have company, and I’ll somehow resist getting you naked in front of all of them.”
“Thank you,” Tito yelled back. “That sounds great.”
It really did.
Michael looked back at Tito. “I need to work on his stealth skills. When did you spot him?”
“When we walked out of the house.”
He nodded. “Me too, but I thought it was just me. Okay. Good to know. When this is over, I’ll send him to someone to work on being more circumspect. He’s young and his training was slightly different. Hey Tito, tell Stephen to come with pizza, and Roy should bring some wine and beer.”
Together, we entered the house then he closed the door behind him. It was only seconds before his hands were on me. “We have an hour before they’ll show up. I intend to use that time to make you not so upset anymore. I’ve always heard the beauty of fighting with your girlfriend is that you get to have makeup sex.”
I smiled when he whirled me around so I faced him. “Are we making up?”
“We are.” He kissed my neck and my knees threatened to give out. Michael did have that effect on me. I really couldn’t get enough of him, and I didn’t want to. I kissed him and he smiled against my lips.
I used that moment to stroke my hands over his muscles, feeling them through his shirt. He was such a beautiful man. I wanted to memorize what he felt like, so I pushed my hands under his shirt. It was easier said than done because he’d dressed in layers. I frowned, tugged off his sweatshirt then his t-shirt. He let me, an indulgent smile on his face.
“I want to know your body just by touch. Like I could find you in the dark,” I explained.
If he thought that was a crazy thing to say, he didn’t indicate it. Instead, he kissed my forehead. “I want you to know what’s going to happen.”
