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Could I put his happiness over mine…?
Of course I fucking would. Marsh means the world to me. I love him with all my heart. It'd eat me alive, but if he's already found someone, I'm not going to stand in his way. I had almost twenty years to make a move. I'm not going to swoop in with some grand declaration of love after he's met another guy and ruin his shot at making something out of that. That's a total dick move.
Marsh wriggles, pressing his back into me and causing my body toreact. I stick my butt out to create some space between his meaty ass and my erection, but it doesn't work. For every inch I shuffle back, Marsh does the same. I never took him for a snuggle slut, but I clearly don't know everything about my dear friend.
But I guess I will after tonight.
I came here to tell Marsh I was in love with him, but depending on what he tells me first, I may end up saying nothing and leaving town in a few days a completely shattered man.
6
Marsh
"Another round?" I ask Tal.
He looks around the bar and then at me, frowns, and mutters, "Nah. I'm okay."
He hasn't been quite himself ever since we woke up from our nap this afternoon. I initially put it down to me trouncing him at Monopoly, but as the night wears on, and I get tipsier and tipsier, I'm starting to think that might not be it.
But for now, I have to push that out of my head and focus on what I'm about to tell him.
We're at the White Swallow, Thickehead's only gay bar. A few locals have raised their eyebrows at seeing me out. I can count on one hand the number of times I've set foot in the joint over the years.
It's just busy enough to not make me feel like there's only me and Tal in the world, which is exactly what I'm needing right now.
Another thing I'm needing?
"Here." Tal slides a glass of water my way. "Drink some of this."
I do. It's like he can read my mind sometimes. As I gulp it down, I decide now is the time to tell him. I'm buzzed enough that it's giving me the hit of courage I need to say what I need to say, but I'm not so pissed that I'm incoherent and not in control of my faculties.
"I have to tell you something," I announce when I place the glass back on the counter.
"Corner time?" Tal asks.
I get off the bar stool. "Yep. Corner time."
Corner time is this thing we do whenever we want to talk. When we're physically together, it means we go over and find a quiet corner somewhere, but it also signifies a segue into a deeper conversation. We say it to each other on the phone all the time. It's a way of announcing we're not going to be discussing sports or weather, but moving on to something more meaningful.
We find a dim spot that's less crowded, and we both lean against the wall.
"What is it?" Tal asks, his voice strained with concern.
Oh, shit. I hope I haven't given him the impression something is wrong. I never meant to worry him.
"It's nothing bad," I open with. "No one's sick or dying or anything like that."
"Oh, thank fuck." He sags against the wall. "For a minute there…"
"I'm sorry. I can see how it looks."
Okay, now my brain is starting to hurt. That fifth tequila shot is catching up to me.
"It's about me," I mutter just as a bunch of dudes walk past us, arguing some bullshit over which is the best Britney Spears era…whatever the hell that means.
"Missed that," Tal says once they're gone.
I look around and sigh. I got it wrong. This isn't the right place for my announcement. And suddenly, all I want is for it to be just me and Tal, alone in the world.
