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I haven’t been back to my house since the end of July, so I had a friend go through my things in my house and take out anything personal. Celia took them over to my storage unit in town, and the moment all of my personal items were locked away, I listed my home on Airbnb. It’s been a nice way to make some extra cash while I’m still stuck in Tallahassee.
“Yoohoo.” Mom waves her hand in front of my face.
“Sorry, what did you say?”
“I said I’m still waiting.” Mom raises her brows and makes it a point to stare directly into my eyes.
“What are you waiting for exactly?” I’m totally lost right now.
“Don’t play coy with me, Rayna. Are you ever going to tell me about that kiss you shared with Magnus last night?”
Oh, that. I wasn’t planning on telling her anything, but she’s backed me into a corner, and I don’t see getting out of it. “It wasn’t a big deal.”
I take a bite of my cranberry scone and chew longer than is necessary. Hopefully, my chewing will buy me some more time.
“Not a big deal, okay.” Mom rolls her eyes dramatically. “It’s been years since you’ve been with a man, and you’re telling me that kiss was nothing. Am I right?”
I was about to, but I didn’t get the chance to tell her that.
“It’s not a big deal, Mom. Can you drop it?” I’m not a sixteen-year-old girl who needs to explain anything to my mother. I’m a twenty-nine-year-old woman. A woman who can kiss whoever she wants without having to explain herself.
“You want to rile me up, don’t you?” She giggles lightly and takes another sip of her chai latte.
She’s laughing so loud that Regnor immediately looks over at our table. He’s a couple tables in front of us, giving us a sense of privacy while also being here in case Loren decides to show up. Dag’s been taking our safety very seriously, but he’s somehow convinced the clubhouse to do the same.
“Not really. I just don’t think it’s much of anything. It was a kiss, Ma.”
She raises her brows once more and cackles lightly. “I saw the way you looked at him, Rayna Michelle. Don’t try to play me. Not when I invented the game.”
Okay, well, there she goes, acting like a country gangster.
Do I tell her everything he said, or should I paraphrase it until I know what I’m going to do?
“You’re attracted to him, aren’t you?” Mom questions.
I take a sip of my latte before I answer her. The combination of gingerbread and toffee floods over my tastebuds. You’d think those two flavors don’t go well together, but they do. “Yes, I am. But—”
“There should be no ‘buts’ here. If you like the way he looks and like the way he acts, then give it a shot. If you like the way he looks but aren’t a big fan of the way he carries himself, you could at least have some fun in the sack.”
Is she all right? This isn’t like her at all.
“Mom.” I shake my head, taken aback she’s even saying this to me. She’s never been so vulgar before. Honestly, she’s been a prude her entire life. “What’s gotten into you?”
“It might be my naivety when it comes to your stepfather. I’ve been trying to live my life on the religious side, praying to God and seeking his wisdom. I prayed for Loren, you know. I prayed he’d really changed in prison when it’s quite the contrary. He played a game and won, so I’m turning back into the woman I was when I was with your father. A woman who fought for herself. When he left, I looked to God for comfort . . . but God can’t help me when it comes to Loren.”
I know she sought religion so she could have some sort of outlet. When our father left us all behind, he had a secret family we didn’t know about. Dag saw him with his arm around a lady, and they had two little girls with them. Dag told her about it and that the girls resembled our father. It completely crushed them. I didn’t know until I was fourteen. When all of this happened, my mom was pregnant with me. Dag told me most of it, especially how it really weighed heavily on our mother. He then told me how she became so religious. She desperately needed an outlet at the time, and looking to God made her feel whole again.
It did, for a while. Now, she’s at the point where she realizes religion isn’t the answer to everything. You can still have faith and stand up for yourself however you need to. I just hope she sees that.
“You can still pray for him if you want, but I don’t think he’ll ever turn into the man you want him to be, Ma.”
Loren was so methodical in the beginning. He didn’t scream, yell, or even inflect his voice. He was the perfect man, but once they were married, everything changed. He then began showing us who he really was, and none of us were happy with it.
He wanted us all to be afraid of him. He wanted us to know that he was the man in charge, and we needed to do exactly as he said.
The best day of our lives was the day Loren got thrown in the back of that police car and was carted off to prison. It’s such a shame he was released. We were all living such peaceful lives up until then.
The warm aroma of freshly brewed coffee fills the air around us as we sit inside the quaint café. The sun shines in through the windows, casting a golden glow on our faces as we chat. “You’re right. I’m glad we came out to get some coffee. It’s been far too long,” I tell her with a content smile.
