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“I asked Isaac, and he gave me the whole argument about his political career. I felt so ashamed. I was the one who wanted more, Theo, and I didn’t really know how it would even work in the long run.”
“You wanted the four of them.”
“And I got none. Plus a baby on the way.”
Theo can’t help but laugh. “Maybe next time settle for less?”
And now I’m laughing, too. Laughing and crying. Maybe I could’ve done things differently. Maybe I should’ve broached the subject in another way. Maybe I could’ve been more patient. But I was pregnant and scared out of my mind. I already have two children and a deadbeat ex-husband. My own history didn’t allow any room for more mistakes. Yet it’s precisely what I ended up doing, anyway.
“I’m so glad you’re here,” I tell Theo. “But I’ll figure this out, one way or another. Right now, I’m focused on working and saving before the baby comes.”
“Good. And I’m going to meet with those lawyer friends of mine later today. Maybe they can help. I can’t promise you anything right now, but I’m trying my best.”
“What if I lose them?” I ask the hardest question for the first time.
Theo gives me a troubled look. “Ava and Lucas?”
“Yeah.”
“You won’t lose them.”
I find myself nodding again. My worst fears have already come true, and I’m terrified of even thinking it couldn’t get worse. It could always get worse, and every time I said that, it got way, way worse. The road ahead is murky and difficult, to say the least, but I’m not as alone as I used to be. I’ve got good people sticking by my side through thick and thin. I only wish Isaac, Noah, Levi, and Beau could be here for me. I wish we could be together again, and not just for the physical fun.
Though I miss that, too. I miss being theirs, body and soul. I miss it more than anything.
26
Isaac
It’s been almost three weeks since we’ve last seen Stella. I’d hoped I would get over it, that her absence would somehow make it easier to go through my days. For a while, it worked. I focused on the Elizabeth and our other business ventures, while the guys kept trying to track her down. They were relentless in their pursuit, even when she wouldn’t take their calls and messages. I understood she needed time and room to breathe. The more we pushed, the farther away she would pull.
Yet the nights have been unbearable.
I’d gotten used to sharing her with my friends, to building this strange but beautiful connection between us. They say wartime is a life-changing experience for the men who survived in the same trenches together. I won’t dare say the same thing applies to sharing a woman we equally love, but I can definitely say it has changed us and only for the better.
Stella was the glue to our unique dynamic.
We each had our own reason to want her for ourselves, but we were more than happy to huddle up around her whenever she asked us to. We could never say no to her. Why would we? And it was always about so much more than just the sexual pleasure. I’m done lying to myself about it. Lying has only brought me pain and misery. More pain and misery await unless I figure out a way to bring Stella back into our lives without sacrificing a political future I’ve always dreamed of. It may be insane to even think about it, but I have to try.
I owe it to myself, and I owe it to the guys, too.
“Alright, we’re here,” Levi says as he takes his seat at the breakfast table. It’s been two hours since the whole room was cleared, and most of the bed and breakfast’s guests are currently on their way to the Cherry Blossom. It’s a marvelous event, year after year. “What did you want to talk about?”
He’s still mad that we stopped searching for Stella earlier this week. I called them all off and asked them to give her some time. I understand the instinct and the desperation. I feel it, too. But we do need to be smart about this, and after my last conversation with Theo, I know we need a better strategy in place if we’re to get Stella and the kids back.
“It’s time we draw up a plan,” I say just as Noah and Beau join us.
I’ve made sure that we’re not disturbed while we have this meeting, so the maids have already brought the coffee and pastries in before they went about their business cleaning the rooms upstairs. Not that I’ve had much of an appetite lately. I can barely stomach any kind of food, but sustenance is necessary whether I feel like it or not.
Noah keeps checking his phone, new messages coming in every other minute. “She’s pulling up now,” he tells me.
“Who’s pulling up?” Beau asks. Both he and Levi are suddenly struck with excitement, straightening their backs as they look at Noah and me.
“Not Stella,” I reply bluntly.
Theo comes in, looking serious. I’ve always known her as the bubbly and cheery type, so seeing this gloomier side of hers, particularly given the subject we’re about to discuss, has my stomach turning itself inside out. A croissant won’t do much good, but I scarf one down anyway, following it with a hefty gulp of black coffee. The four of us stand up as she reaches the table, her stiletto heels clicking across the floor.
“Thank you for coming all the way out here,” I say.
