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“I’d never flake out on you, sis,” she replies, holding me tightly.
We stay like this for the better part of a minute. Melissa is kind enough to pick up the paid check from table five for me while I take a ten-minute break to sit with Theo at this corner booth. I give her a menu, unable to contain my delighted grin.
“You’ve got to try the pancakes. I swear, Sammy, our chef makes the best pancakes in all of Portland,” I tell her.
“Let’s start with some coffee first,” my best friend says.
Once Melissa brings over a cappuccino for Theo and a lemonade for me, we’re able to unwind for a moment. I can’t stop gazing out the window, though, a constant edge persisting in the back of my head.
“How was the drive here?” I ask.
“Surprisingly smooth,” she replies. “Then again, I took a town car. I’m only here for a couple of days. I didn’t see a point in renting a car of my own. But we’re not here to talk about traffic, Stella.”
“No, we’re not,” I exhale sharply.
She reaches across the table and takes my hands in hers, squeezing gently. “How are you?”
“Physically, I’m okay,” I tell her. “The prenatal vitamins are helping. I get as much sleep as possible. My boss here knows about my situation, and he’s been nothing but kind and supportive. Melissa and my other co-workers pitch in when there’s heavier stuff to carry around. I don’t know, Theo, I think the universe is looking after me in its own way.”
“I’m glad. You need support from wherever you can get it. Have you heard from the guys yet?”
I shake my head. “They stopped calling and texting a while back. I’m hoping they just gave up.”
“I doubt it,” Theo says. “You’re pregnant with their child. One of them, anyway. I think they’re just trying to give you room to breathe or something.”
“Elijah hasn’t called, either. And he does have my number. It’s a legal requirement.”
Theo curses under her breath, unable to contain her disgust. “Screw that prick. He doesn’t have any good reason to call you. He’s probably plotting some kind of revenge with his lawyer. I’m not sure he’s got the legal standing to strip you of your custody rights, though. Historically, you have a better shot. I’ve been thinking about it.”
“I’m hopeful. I mean, he walked out when Ava was just three months old. The child support checks came in earlier this week, but it’s too little, too late. He hasn’t seen his children in over a year. He hasn’t called. Texted. Nothing. And the records can easily prove it.”
“I don’t know why he was so bold over the phone the last time we spoke,” she mutters, shaking her head slowly. “There’s something going on here, Stella, and I don’t know what it is. Not knowing makes me anxious because I don’t trust that fucker to save my life.”
“I just want him out of mine. It’s preposterous that he wants to come back after everything he did. He left us to fend for ourselves. He didn’t give a damn while he was with Amanda. We didn’t even matter anymore. We could’ve died, and he wouldn’t have cared. How dare he come up to the Elizabeth and have the audacity to ask me to take him back? Is he delusional? I still don’t get it.”
Theo takes a long sip from her coffee. Outside, cars line up before a red light. Water pours down the massive diner windows. Above, the sky is a dull and dark gray. I doubt the rain will stop anytime soon. It’s an apt metaphor for everything I’ve been feeling lately, and I know I should try to be more upbeat for the little human growing inside me, but damn, I can’t catch a break these days.
“He’s not delusional. He’s just revealing his true self for the first time,” Theo says. “While you were together, you ignored so many red flags, Stella. You already had plenty of reasons to dump his sorry ass, but then you bought into his lies. You had two children together, and when he got bored, when he met that chick, he literally discarded the three of you like you were nothing but dead weight. The truth is, he was always like this. You’re just starting to really see him, now.”
“It’s a scary thought, to have spent so many years with a man without allowing myself to see who he really is...”
“You kept hoping he’d change. You kept giving pieces of yourself, working your ass off, sacrificing your own wants and needs because you didn’t want to go back to your old life, to your narcissistic mother, to that feeling of failure she saddled you with even though you were still growing up, you were still evolving,” Theo muses. “It wasn’t your fault you kept trying to see the best in people who had no intention of ever treating you the way you deserved to be treated.”
I nod slightly. “I guess.”
“And the truth is, when you met Noah, Isaac, Levi, and Beau, they showed you what a healthy relationship could be like. I know, I know, strictly physical and whatever. But they were good to you. They were kind and attentive. I remember all the stories you told me about them. You were describing a healthy relationship, Stella.” I lift my eyebrows and she nods. “I’m well aware there were four men involved, but honestly I think that was always a weird but wonderful bonus. I’d give up a piece of shit like Elijah over four men like Noah, Isaac, Beau, and Levi any time. Any frickin’ time.”
It's hard not to cry as the truth stares me hard in the face. Theo softens her gaze when she notices the tears building up. I didn’t know I had any left in me. “I’m sorry,” I sob, trying to keep myself together. “It’s just…”
“Oh, no, I’m the one who’s sorry, honey. I’m trying to lift your spirits and keep you strong, yet all I do is bring up stuff you’re trying to forget.”
“It’s not you. It’s just me, realizing how rash I was by leaving the Elizabeth in the first place.”
“No, I get it. I totally get it. The guys weren’t exactly helping you navigate that moment, either. You were all basically lying to yourselves,” Theo says. “It’s nothing serious,” she adds in mocking voices. “We’re only having fun. No one’s catching feelings. Of course, you all caught feelings, and then none of you could actually cope with that.”
I wipe my tears with a tissue. “I was happy. But it’s over. It wasn’t going to last.”
“It’s not like you didn’t try. You did ask them.”
