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Iwatch Elliot from across the room, aware that I probably look like a deranged stalker.
But I can’t help it.
Whenever he walks into a room, I become hyperaware of him. The raw power he emanates.
The darkness.
Sometimes I think I’m making it all up in my head. This deep sense that we are somehow the same.
I know he doesn’t agree. He thinks I’m this shy, meek girl afraid of her own shadow. And maybe to some degree, he’s right.
I am afraid.
But not in the way he thinks.
I’ve lived in the darkness for so long, it’s hard to imagine living in the light.
He senses me staring and looks over. His eyes hold the same shadows mine do, and more than anything, I wish I was the kind of girl who could stand beside a boy like Elliot Eaton.
I want to know his deepest, darkest secrets. I want to be the person he turns to when things get to be too much.
I want to be his.
A truth I’ve been struggling with lately. Especially, since he’s made it more than obvious he won’t cross that line with me.
He cares about me; I don’t doubt that. It’s in the little gestures he makes. The way he protects me from a distance. Always makes sure I’m okay. We’ve struck up a mutual friendship over the last few months as we’ve watched our friends fall in love.
But I don’t want to be just his friend.
I don’t want to watch some vapid Heir chasers swoop in and steal him away from me.
A deep frown crinkles his eyes, and I realise my expression must say a thousand words. Before I can stop him, he excuses himself from the conversation and heads toward me.
My heart crashes wildly in my chest as I try not to panic.
“What’s wrong?” he asks the second he reaches me.
“N-nothing.”
“Your expression just now… You looked terrified.”
“I’m okay. Thanks for checking up on me though.” I smile, wishing I had the confidence to push the issue.
Wishing I could tell him what I feel in my heart.
“Nobody said anything to you, right? Because I’ve told you before, if anyone gives you shit…”
“I’m fine, Elliot. I promise.”
He jams his hands in his pockets, and nods. “Are you enjoying the party?”
“It’s not really my scene.” I shrug. “You know that.”
“It wouldn’t hurt you to cut loose occasionally, nobody will hurt you here.”
I drift closer to him. I can’t help it. Whether he realises or not, he reels me in. His darkness calling to me.
I gaze up at him, wondering what it would be like to kiss him. We’ve hugged before, and it was amazing. But I want more. I want to know the shape of his mouths, the taste of his lips.
