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“Let me know that she’s okay. Tell her she will heal, and we will have her in that octagon in no time,” Gunnar calls out as I head to my car, phone to my ear.?
The call goes to voicemail again.?
Next, I call my brother, “Yo, what's up?”?
“Have you seen Emerson?”?
“A couple of hours ago, before I left the house. She said she was going over to Frankie’s to chill until you got done at the gym. Everything alright?”?
For some reason, his words don’t relieve me, but I don’t want him to panic.?
“I think so. I just haven’t been able to reach her, so I was worried. I’ll call Frankie.”?
“Okay, let me know,” he says, and I hear Ben calling his name before I end the call.?
Hoping like hell my gut feeling is wrong, I call Frankie.?
“Hey, Nox,” Frankie says, and I hear the video game she’s playing in the background.?
“Frankie, is Emerson with you?” I’m unable to contain the worry in my shaky voice.?
“No. I haven’t heard from her today. Nox, what’s wrong?” Her tone is much less relaxed than it was when she answered.?
“I’m worried, Frankie. I don’t know, but I’m heading home now. Maybe she’s asleep,” I lie, even to myself. “Is Lucian there?”?
“No, he’s at his Saturday class on campus.” My mind’s so preoccupied, I totally forgot that’s why he wasn’t at the gym today.?
“Okay, don’t worry him yet. I’ll call you back once I find her.”?
My hands shake against the wheel of the car, my nerves getting the best of me. All the worst possibilities flip through my head on repeat.?
I pull up to my house, and before I enter the door, I know she isn’t here.?
I can’t feel her.?
Running into my room, it’s empty. I look to the corner, where she keeps her things, and notice her backpack is gone.?My dread intensifies, but I remind myself she doesn’t go many places without it or the box of pictures she keeps inside. I immediately start running through names in my head of who she could be with since she doesn’t have her own car.
Maybe I’m overreacting, I try telling myself, even though I don’t believe it.?
Maybe she went to the Robbins’s to restock her things. She hasn’t been there at all in almost a month.?
My eyes fly to my window to look across to the neighbor’s house. To the bedroom she barely ever goes to. I can’t see anything from here, but as I turn to head over there, I notice something on my windowsill.?
I walk closer, and the sight of a white envelope with her handwriting on the outside has me swallowing down the bile threatening to come up. My hands tremble as I pick it up, noticing the dried water spots on the outside of the envelope.?
Lennox,?
I never wanted this. Never wanted to hurt you this way. I know you’ll hate me; I know you’ll never understand this decision, and that kills me, but I have to do this. I have to go.?
I’m weak and I know that, but I couldn’t face you. I had to do this without a word to anyone.?
You deserve so much better than this, Lennox. Giving you up is the hardest thing I’ll ever do in this life, but I have to. It’s what’s best for you. I have to get out of this town, get out of this state.??
I need to find myself.?
I want to be able to fend for myself and not depend on others. I’d just pull you down with me if I stay. I’ll never do anything but hold you back.?
You have so many big things ahead of you, and I hope you accomplish every single one of your dreams.?
