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I ground my teeth; my nails dug into the flesh of my palms. This man had some nerve. But I knew better than to blow up at him, and he was no longer just Claire’s hot brother—he was my boss, and this was a job that I desperately needed. The job market was a mess, and I knew that finding another opportunity like this would be slim to none.
I composed myself and straightened my posture. “I may come from the wrong side of the tracks of our beloved hometown, but I can assure you, Mr. Sinclair, it doesn’t mean that I won’t take my work seriously. I am here and ready to work and help advance the firm in any way I can.”
Inside I was spiraling, I could feel the storm brewing in the middle of my chest, but I would be damned to prove this man right and crumble in front of him. I could handle the pressure. I would thrive under it even if it were the last thing I did.
“We shall see,” he replied. I knew he wanted me to fail; I could see it in his eyes. He didn’t want me to excel here, and he was looking for a reason to fire me.
“I will send you the notes on the case we are working on. It’s a high priority, and I need to ensure I win this. I need you fully focused. Anything less will not be permitted.”
I swallowed the heavy stone that had formed in the middle of my throat. “Of course, Mr. Sinclair. I will head back to my desk now.”
My stomach churned uncomfortably.
He didn’t even spare me a glance before he looked back down at the file on his desk, pretending as though I wasn’t even there.
I got up from my seat and made my way out of his office. The heaviness in the middle of my chest only increased with every step I took. He had touched a very sensitive nerve and allowed some of the radioactive waste of my past to spill over.
Pain. Regret. Anguish.
They all slowly trickled out of that door that I had locked them behind in my mind.
I left his office seething with a toxic mixture of fury and a kind of sadness foreign to me. I knew why his words triggered me so much.
My past was haunting me.
‘You're incompetent.’
‘You’re a waste of space.’
‘You’re dumb.’
These had been the words that had been thrown my way day in and day out. They had become engraved in my mind, never to be forgotten. That was the effect of my ex. Even with him being locked away with the key thrown deep into the lake, he still had this hold over me that left me paralyzed.
I barged into the ladies' room, seeing two women walking out as I stormed past them. I slammed my notebook and phone on the sink counter, using my cold hands to steady myself. My eyes moved upward, finding my reflection in the wall-to-wall mirror. All the color had drained from my face, my mind cracking on its fragile walls.
No, no, no. I could feel the scales tipping from within me, and the last thing I wanted was to lose it here on my first day.
Keep your shit together, Selena.
I reached for the faucet and let the water flow over my shaking hands. The blood rushed past my ears, the gentle buzz of the air conditioning that filled the white space slowly fading. A piercing ringing sound exploded in my eardrum, my surroundings going in and out of focus.
Keep your shit together, Selena Abrams. You are stronger than this; the past cannot touch you here. He cannot touch you here.
I splashed some cold water on my face, trying to calm my raging thoughts. Water always helped to center me. My mother had always said it had healing and calming effects on the soul, and I guess it did for me.
I stared down at the sink, my chest heaving up and down slowly and my heart pounding heavily in my chest. The blood rushed past my ears, only adding to the ringing sound and throwing off my equilibrium.That motherfucker. Who does he think he is? Just because he is the boss does not mean he gets to treat me like trash.
I turned the faucet off and stared at my reflection in the mirror. The water trickled over my now makeup-smeared face.
Shit. That had not been one of my greatest ideas. The water had snapped me out of it for a moment. I was breathing better, and my heart seemed to calm a little.
My eyes were wide, and my pupils dilated. I could see the distant terror playing in the pools of blackness. I was mere seconds from spiraling, and I could not afford that here.
I pointed at myself, steeling my gaze and leveling where I stood. I forced my mind into a subdued state and pushed back all the turmoil that threatened to spill over.
“Get. It. Together,” I said to myself in the mirror.
I don’t know how long I stayed in the bathroom, but by the time I was fully calm and had fixed my face, my heart was calm, and my mind was back in position.
