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“Fuck! Look what you made me do!” he shouted, then aimed his gun at the other man and shot him dead. I was numb and couldn’t move. I watched my father rearrange the bloody bodies and cover himself with my mother as he held her close and shouted for help, pretending to be the victim instead of the monster.
I woke up screaming and clutching the music box to my chest. “Oh, my God! I can’t breathe,” I said as my heart raced and beads of sweat coated my forehead. I finally remembered the horrific tragedy I had repressed since it happened. “My beautiful mother gave her life for me at my father's hands. I remember.I remember everything. My father killed my mother and would turn me over to the monster who raped my mother. She tried to warn me, but I never understood until now.”
I cried uncontrollably, holding the music box. My heart was beating so fast that I thought it would burst from my chest. I couldn’t breathe and needed air. No matter how much I tried to calm down, I couldn’t and cried more. Finally, I fell out of bed and down to my knees, shaking when I heard movement outside my door. “No, he’s back and will kill me too,” I said, crouching into a ball, fearing my father.
The pounding on the door continued, and when I finally heard his voice, I returned from the darkness. I quickly hid the music box under my bed.
“Sabina, why is this door locked? Open it right now!” shouted my brother, still pounding on the door. “In about five seconds, I will kick it down. Sabina!” he called. I crawled to the door, feeling exhausted. I leaned on a chair and hoisted myself up. My stomach tightened as I opened the door, and not only did Lucas rush inside, but Gio was holding his gun out, ready to take out any threat. I screamed in fear, and Lucas ordered him to stand down and put his gun away.
“Are you hurt? I heard you crying from down the hall. What’s wrong?” he implored, and then my father appeared and looked at me strangely.
“I’m fine,” I said, stuttering over my words. “Just a bad dream,” I lied, knowing what I just experienced was my past, invading my present.
“Oh, sweetheart, you scared me,” said Lucas, pulling me close to his chest. I relaxed beneath his touch but knew my father was watching me. “Are you ill? You look like you’ve seen a ghost and are soaked in sweat.”
I shifted in his arms, not knowing what to say to appease my brother, so I went with the truth. “I told you, Lucas, it was a bad dream, and I guess it affected me more than I realized.”
He held me, then shouted, “Leave us; I want to speak to my sister.” In a flash, the room emptied, and the door closed. He lifted and carried me back over to the bed, placing me in the middle of it. He sat beside me as I clutched my blanket and prayed he wouldn’t find the music box hidden under the bed.
“I’m so sorry, Sabina. I should have known bringing you back here would reignite old wounds. I knew the minute I saw you in the library that you must have thought deeply about Mama. I miss her, and there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think of her. She’s our angel looking over us. You always believe that, okay?”
“Lucas, do you remember the day Mama died?” I nervously asked.
“Always, it haunts me too. I should have been here when those men attacked our compound. If I were, they never would have gotten to our mother. It should have been our father and not her we lost on that day. I tried so hard to shield you from that scene, but you ran through the guards and fell to the floor by our mother’s body. It is an image I will never unsee for as long as I live. I am so sorry that you had to go through that. He should have protected her, we all should have protected her, but we failed.”
I cried at his words because my brother didn’t know the truth, but how could I tell him now? I should have told him five years ago. Will he hate me that I did nothing to prevent her murder? Will he believe that I’ve protected the real murderer all these years? Our mother fought with everything she had to protect me, and this is how I repay her. By protecting the real monster?Our father.
“Lucas, I can’t be here. I hate it. Please grant me safe passage and let me go. It’s what Mama would have wanted for me.”
“It’s not what I want. You are my baby sister, and I want you here with me. Is it father? Because I swear, he will not hurt you. But, please, you need to talk to me.” I began to cry again, and Lucas wiped away my tears, looking frustrated that I wasn’t saying anything. “Shhh, don’t cry, little one, it’s going to be okay.”
“No, it’s not!” I found my voice and shoved him. He didn’t react to my disobedience as I expected him to. Instead, his eyes were worried as I continued to plead my case. “I’m not a kid anymore. I’m not little. I’m a grown woman, and you need to see me as I am today and not the defenseless and weak little girl I was all those years ago when our mother died.”
“What are you talking about? I never viewed you as weak. I love you, and you’re strong. How could you believe otherwise?”
“I didn’t help her. I should have tried, and maybe if I had, she would still be alive.”
“No, don’t blame yourself. If Papa couldn’t have saved her, I know you couldn’t have. It was a tragedy and destroyed our peace and love, but I avenged our mother soon after her death, and no enemy ever dared to touch our family again. I remember returning to the house and witnessing the bloody scene. Father was out of his mind, and then you refused to leave her side. Mama’s blood covered you, and you were clutching your necklace. You refused to take it off, even to clean it. You were so brave throughout the funeral and the days that followed. You begged me to let you go then because it’s what our mother wanted for you. Back then, I had no choice but to honor her final wishes, but now you’re home where you belong. You honored Mama, too, by accomplishing everything she wanted for you. Again, I’m so proud of you, and I love you. I promise you all will work out, and we will do great things together. I want you herewith me, and that’s all that matters. Get some rest, and I will see you later.”
He kissed my forehead and quietly left my room. I buried my face in my pillow and cried, knowing his words were final, and I accepted them because it was what he expected from me. I dried my eyes, pulled out the music box, and held it to my heart. After all these years, the memory of that tragic day has been trapped deep inside my mind. But now, it is all clear. My father killed my mother before he tortured and broke her soul. Did he hate me so much that he had to cause that much pain to my mother? Just reliving it all makes me sick. Lucas is wrong.
He didn’t fail her on that day; I did. I could have run from the corridor and sounded the alarm, but fear paralyzed me, and I watched my mother die. After it was over, I ran from the house but only made it as far as the gardens, where I hid between the tall bushes. It was after Lucas arrived home, and then he found me. He carried me back inside, and then I broke away and rushed toward my mother. Everything that followed was a blur. I remember my father coming to my room, telling me I would leave the estate and attend Brown University. He wasn’t cold like the day with my mother. If anything, he was the opposite. He kept his distance and then delivered his final blow using words this time as his weapon of choice.
“You are leaving the day after tomorrow. Take anything you want with you, and then don’t come back here, Sabina. You have no place here; you never did. Your brother believes otherwise, but I will make him see this is for the best. Do you understand me? You are never to come back here?”
“Yes, Father, I understand,” I answered. He half-smiled and then walked out the door. He wasn’t there to see me off, which was fine by me. Lucas hated that I was leaving Italy, but like the good son he was, he respected our mother’s wishes and let me go.
Of all my memories, it’s that last day with my father my mind won’t allow me to forget. He left me so broken, with pieces of my heart shattered all around me. I hated everything about this house and had more bad memories than good, but I pulled myself together and left with my head held high. I might have felt broken on the inside, but I would not show it on the outside to the monster that made me this way.
I wiped away the tears, pulled myself together, and began preparing for dinner. Lucas told me he wanted to eat with me before leaving the estate for a business trip. He promised he wouldn’t be away for too long and I would be safe because he was leaving Gio behind to watch over me. I agreed and shared my last meal with my brother because I knew I would not be here when Lucas returned. After dinner, we took a short walk around the property, and then he promised to make arrangements for my father to leave the estate as soon as he returned. I asked him how he would do that, and he just smiled, knowing something I didn’t.
“Don’t you worry about anything. No more tears, little one, my heart can’t take it.” He hugged me and then walked me back to the house. While he was in conference with my father, I returned to the library and placed another music box instead of the one I had taken. It wasn’t in the shape of a piano, but close enough to the naked eye. You wouldn’t know it until you picked it up. I hope it will buy me enough time to leave with the real one.
I will never have my mother again, but I will take a piece of her with me. I have the necklace and her music. He has taken so much from me. He will have to kill me as he did my mother to get these things back.
It had been a few hours since Lucas left, and my father told me he was also going out and I should remain in my room. I complied with his request, and he didn’t say anything more. I watched him leave and waited. Finally, Gio checked on me, and Itold him I was going to bed. He wished me a good night and said he would see me in the morning. I feel bad that I’m lying to him, but hopefully, Lucas won’t do anything to hurt him. I know Gio cares, but he’s part of the life I want to forget.
I sat on my bed looking at all my boxes that arrived here a few days after I did. I didn’t open any of them. What I cared about most, I had in my duffle, along with the items I had hidden for the moment I was ready to put my plan in place. Lucy and Pierre are on point and will wait for my message.
