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Reaching in my pocket, freedom is offered by the small metal key. I pull it out, ready to ride. Ready to be anywhere but here. Ready to…
I turn toward my bike and see Wendy. I see her pain. Something happens inside my chest. She’s as hurt as I am. We’re all pawns in someone else’s game.
I step toward my bike. Toward freedom. Just get on. That’s all I have to do to escape this shitshow. She made it clear she doesn’t want to go public with our relationship. We’re just fun to her. Even her goddamn roller derby name proves it. She just plays roles, pretends, and has her fun and leaves.
My chest tightens. I press my hand into my shirt, but the pain doesn’t let up. Fuck! Am I having a heart attack?
Two more steps to my bike, and my chest hurts worse with each one. I won’t be a coward. I’m man enough to say goodbye. I angle my head.
Her eyes meet mine. She’s so young. So talented. I don’t deserve someone like her. The three of us ganged up on her, not giving her time to breathe after one of the hardest decisions of her life—standing up to Father.
Wendy makes me a better person. I take a lesson from her and face my fear.
“Fuck!” So many emotions storm inside of me, I unintentionally scream to vent. All eyes land on me.
The key falls from my fingers, nestling itself deep in my pocket.
Knight and Axel will be pissed. They don’t matter. The foolish belief that we could all take care of Wendy is our fault. Not hers. When it’s over it’s over, I’ve certainly become an expert on that. She doesn’t want us and we need to accept it like grown men.
Wendy slips a sock on and ties her shoe.
I nod toward the house. “Give me a minute with Wendy.”
When we’re alone, I say, “You’ve been clear with us from the start, we just didn’t want to see the writing on the wall.” Motioning to my bike, I continue, “Hop on, I’ll take you home.”
Fifteen
Wendy
Apaininmyhip wakes me from the minute of sleep I managed for the night. I roll onto my back and rub the sore spot. I remember all too clearly bouncing that hip off the derby track last night. I rotate my leg to get some blood flowing and ease the pain a little.
If only I could mend my heart so easily. It hurts worse than any other body part. I lift my pajama top, sure there will be a bruise on my chest. There’s not.
A sleepless night has turned into a day I don’t want to face, and a decision I don’t know how to make.
There was so much hurt in Nova’s eyes when he gave me the option to go home. I flop an arm over my eyes.
Why did I have to freak out the second he said he loves me? Can I blame it on the rebound?
I can’t be the woman three men, who happen to be my brothers, need. I’m just an eighteen-year-old, trying not to get married as part of a business deal.
They were there to catch me when I fell, and look how I repay them.
My heart pumps a different emotion with each beat. One beat I’m angry with them for being older and knowing better. They shouldn’t have put me in this position.
Then it beats sympathy for them. They offered and I accepted. I can’t blame them.
Then it beats sadness that there’s so much strife in my family right now. Another beat, resentment for the way my father treated me. Another beat, disbelief that my mother would allow my father to do that. She may be my stepmom, but she’s the only mom I remember.
The next beat is mushy and wiggly. It doesn’t make sense. It’s an emotion I haven’t dealt with before. It begs me to trust it, but how do I trust the unknown?
I won’t be fooled. This is Fantasy Wendy. She’s wild and carefree. She’s also imaginary. She doesn’t have to live with consequences.
I have to end this. I have to find my worth, no matter how good it feels to be with my brothers. No matter that my favorite role is to be theirs. I need to play the role of Wendy first and figure out who she is.
The video app on my phone buzzes. It’s Dad. I’m not up for a video chat. I showered thoroughly last night, trying to convince myself that I had to wash myself clean. Free from my brothers, free from everything except me. No smeared makeup, no sweat, just me.
Dad won’t be happy knowing that I’ve slept in until… I look at the clock on my phone. It’s after nine.
