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“You sent that?” Carl says.
She slumps. “I didn’t want you to know it was from me. I was afraid you wouldn’t come.”
“It’s always because of you that we’ll come. Mark needs time to sort this out. He’s afraid of commitment. But if Carl and I can make this work with you, he might warm up.”
She gnaws at her lower lip. “I don’t want to be the cause of family strife.”
“Bianca,” I use both of my hands to cup either side of her face and hold her windblown hair out of the way. I have to be sure she’s paying attention. “Let me make love to you. Don’t worry about Mark or the future or anything. Let me show you how much I love you. And if you want Carl and Mark to be a part of it, I would do that for you. I just want to make you happy.”
“At what cost?” Her exasperation crushes my heart.
“There’s no cost too high, but I don’t want your first time to be up here.”
She turns to Carl and her expression shifts, or maybe it’s the moonlight glinting in her eye, but I swear something changes. Her shoulders pull back. Her jaw sets. Her eyes meet mine with an intensity she’s never hit me with.
“Don’t make decisions for me. Everyone keeps talking about me like I’m not here.”
“I’m sorry. What do you want?”
“I want to have sex right here, right now.”
“Hell yeah.” I grab her by the waist and sit her on the ledge, pressing a thigh between her knees, encouraging her to spread for me. Then I lock my lips with hers.
“Thank you for this,” I say between kisses.
Thirteen
Bianca
Theagonyofwantingsomething that I fear plays out as Sean tenderly kisses me, caresses his hands over my body, and makes room for Carl to join in. The three of us are so perfect, and yet we’re still missing a piece.
“You don’t have to close your eyes, Bianca.”
“I need to.” I can’t look at them—the men whose hearts I’m going to break. I’m going to fail them like I failed everyone else. I hate that they’re so kind and generous. When I dared to look into Sean’s eyes earlier, I saw nothing but sincerity. And Carl, there’s something between us, like a constant spark. Not just sex but inspiration.
That’s how I got this idea.
“How do you want Sean to take you? You’re in control.”
I don’t care as long as we stay up here. I’m free when we’re on the roof. I’m enough, or at least Carl and Sean make me feel like I am. But I can’t look them in the eyes.
“Let me hop down and bend over.”
They stop me before I spin around, each taking their turn caressing my body, tweaking my nipples, kissing my lips, my neck, my arms. They back me against the ledge and Carl drops to his knees. “Can I do this first?”
My eyes shift from his gaze to the gentle brush of his fingers over my shoulder, down my arm to the intertwining of our fingers.
Staring down at him, I understand how much power I have. I’m not used to being in control. Is this what it’s like to be surrounded by people who love me for myself?
He unties the sash from my sundress and hands it to Sean. “Let us take away all of your worries. Just exist.”
And once again, I’m blindfolded.
Carl grips my waist, trails his hands down my sides, my hips, and wraps his fingers around the backs of my legs. Gusts of wind remind me of my freedom, of my position on top of the world.
“You ready?”
I barely register his question but manage a nod and my cheek brushes against Sean’s lips.
