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It had been bad enough to wonder if he was spending time with her because he genuinely liked her. Did he feel guilty for kissing her on a bet thirteen years ago? If so, she hadn’t done anything to reassure him that was water under the bridge. Probably because it wasn’t for her. And what if this was simply history repeating itself? It had been one thing to be the girl who’d been kissed on a dare; it would be another to be the woman who’d been married for just as dubious a reason.
“Tater tots!”
It was onlya split second before Linc was on his feet and taking her hand to steer her through the crowd of people shouting the countdown to the New Year. Once they’d made it out to the lobby where she could breathe and hear herself think, Linc sat her in a comfy chair and knelt down in front of her.
“I’d make a joke about marrying me being such a terrible prospect that you had to tap out but this doesn’t seem like a laughing matter,” he said, his warm eyes searching her face, handsome features etched with concern.
“It’s… it’s not that. But it’s complicated. I’ve been a mess all week, and…”
Nova sighed and dropped her head into her hands. When she managed to look up, her throat had tightened and her sinuses burned. She was going to cry and she would be mad about it. Quinn had done a really nice job on her makeup and now it was going to be ruined. Plus she was mad at herself for putting off this conversation until now.
She ought to know better than thinking just leaving a problem alone was likely to fix it. That never happened in her line of work. And now she found herself being tossed around in a sea of really big feelings.
“I want to be loved, and cherished for who I am, not simply the best available option on this bizarre dating show you concocted for yourself. I don’t want to be the girl you marry on a bet! It was bad enough in high school when I realized that was the only reason you kissed me and this would be a million times worse.”
It hurt so bad, and it would never stop hurting. She would be in pain every day of her life if she went with him to Enclave, knowing he didn’t reciprocate the feelings she had for him. Being alone and hopeful was far better than pathetically yearning for your own husband to love you and knowing he never would.
Linc’s jaw tightened and he put his hands on either side of her thighs on the chair. Broad-shouldered and stern, he looked awfully foreboding.
“Novalie Emmanuelle Marchand.”
The way he said her name—quietly but with a bite—made her shiver from head to toe.
“If you think for one second that I would marry you if I didn’t want to, then you are deeply mistaken. You know me well enough to know I don’t do anything I don’t want to do. And I wouldn’t have kissed you all those years ago if I didn’t want to either. High school can be a shitty time but believe me when I tell you that I was downright delighted to have an excuse to kiss you. Having it be a bet just meant I got to avoid taking shit for it. I’m sorry I was a coward and didn’t follow through. I wanted to but I also didn’t believe that I deserved you. And now that I’ve got another chance to make you mine, there’s no way in hell I’m fucking that up again.”
His stern tone and equally stern look softened.
“If you don’t want to be with me, that’s a different story. Yeah, I came here looking for a wife but I’m not in the business of bundling a woman who doesn’t want to be with me off to an isolated island. I’m not a monster.”
No, he wasn’t.
“I always wanted to be better. And I understand why you’d have a hard time believing that I actually am. I would also understand if you wanted more time, because this has been quite the whirlwind and we haven’t been able to get to know all the usual details about each other, and you’re probably scared that I don’t have it in me to show up and be there for you every day. To be honest, the last time you knew me, I wouldn’t have been able to. But I’ve grown up, I’ve changed, and I’ve had people who had faith in me and I haven’t betrayed that trust. People I respect and I’ve tried to follow their lead. Tried to be a person they could honestly call a friend. It would mean the world to me and I would feel like I finally accomplished what I set out to do if you thought I was good enough, worthy, to make you mine. Believe me when I tell you I’ve never wanted anything more in my life than for you to call me ‘Daddy’ for the rest of our lives.”
The sleigh ride had been magical, but that feeling paled in comparison to hearing Linc say he wanted to be her Daddy, for real, and forever. The time they’d spent together had quieted some of her doubts that he’d be capable of doing that but part of her still couldn’t quite believe he wanted to beherDaddy.
“Promise me you weren’t just being nice,” she begged, needing more reassurance.
“Nova. I’m not nice. I might be good at sticking around and showing up for what’s important to me now, but I don’t have much patience for anything else. It’s just not worth it. If I didn’t want to talk to you, I could’ve walked right by your office door that first day. Honestly, I’m more likely to avoid people we grew up with because I didn’t like myself back then. Still don’t. I can have some empathy for that kid because he was hurting and alone and he would rather disappoint people on purpose than actually try and still let people down, but I wish he would’ve been braver. I wish he would’ve followed his instincts to be a kinder, better person. But I feel like niceness isn’t always sincere. So on the minus side, I’m not nice. On the plus side, you know that what you see is what you get.”
“I think what I’d get is pretty great,” she managed to say in between sniffles.
Linc took her hands in his, and pressed kisses to her knuckles.
“I may not be the most amazing Daddy in the world but I’m learning from some of the best. One thing that’s kept me going, kept me doing the right thing when the going got rough was remembering that I wanted to be better than the kid who blew you off. I want to be worthy of you, your trust, and your love. I get if you don’t want my ring on your finger just yet. You have every reason to be skeptical. But say you’ll come to Enclave with me? Even if you only want to visit. I’ll take anything I can get because I know for sure that you’re the one for me. I could have a hundred more years, meet a million more women, and I know what I’d find every time. That I've known my soul mate since I was just a little spud.”
Nova hated crying. And she hated laughing while she was crying worse, but her eyes wouldn’t stop leaking and her ribcage wouldn’t stop convulsing. If Linc still wanted to marry her when she looked this ridiculous, then he must really love her.
“Say you’ll give me a chance, shortcake, even if you can’t agree to be my wife yet. Please. I love you.”
“I love you too, Daddy,” she told him. “And if you think they’ll have me, I’d love to come to Enclave and be with you. Not just for a visit.”
She loved how Linc could sweep her up in his arms, loved how it felt when he took her into his lap and held her in his arms. She loved the smell of him and his strength and the way he’d looked after her this week.
“They’ll love you, Nova. Same as I do,” he hold her, then cupped her cheek and kissed her. “Spud’s honor.”
Nova laughed again, and he used his thumb to wipe away her tears.
“There now,” he said. “There’s my pretty Little girl. Do you want to go back to the concert? I don’t want you to miss anything, you seemed to be having a good time.”
