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“Look, I think we’ve confirmed I’m not going anywhere. If you want to convince me to leave, I’m gonna need to hear real, actual reasons other than that it’s for my protection.”
A sniffle sounded from beneath the covers, and I felt utterly awful. Sliding in behind Ayla, I pulled her close to me, willing gentleness and comfort into our bond.
“Hey there, don’t cry. I’m sorry for upsetting you. I’m still learning things about all this. About us.”
“You have no idea what it was like, standing in this alone for three years. Hearing stories of your conquests and knowing it was something I could never have.”
I'd never been ashamed of my occasional hook ups. It was good for my inner wolf to indulge every so often, even if my heart wasn’t in it, but I certainly felt a little embarrassed right then. Ayla didn’t even sound like she was mad at me, just explaining all the pain bundled up inside of her.
I hated that she was in pain at all. I just wanted the two of us to celebrate together, and not be bogged down by things I didn’t understand.
“I can’t imagine that, Ayla, and I’m sorry, but you wouldn’t have had to be alone at all if you would've justtalkedto me.”
“I couldn’t talk to you. I couldn’t risk it.”
“I realize that you believe that to the bottom of your heart,” I said gently, not wanting to argue with her. “But I’m here now, and not talking isn’t an option that’s on the table.” I felt her stiffen, but I just pulled her even closer, wishing for there to notbe a molecule of air between us. “Thing would be so much easier if you told me what’s weighing so heavily on you. I’m your mate, after all. What’s the point in having me if you don’t let me share your burdens?”
She didn’t respond right away, but I didn’t feel as if I was being ignored, just that she needed time to think. I didn’t want to rush her into anything, and the pause made me feel like she was actually considering what I was saying for once. As much as I was attracted to the witch, she definitely could be pretty bull-headed.
“What do you want to know?” she said finally. It hurt me that she sounded so scared, but I was also happy that she thought I was important enough to open up to. I'd the feeling it wasn’t something Ayla did too often.
“I’m cursed.”
“Wait,you’recursed? Then, why did you pass that on to me?”
“I didn’t pass it on to you.” She sighed and rolled over in my arms to face me. “I made up something to try to protect you from my own curse. It was supposed to make your mind reject me, not to prioritize memories of me, and turn my scent into nothing.”
I let out a low whistle. I didn’t like hearing that, but it was still pretty amazing that she’d just whipped that up out of the air and cast it on me without anyone noticing. That had to take serious chops. Had Ayla actually been holding out on us at Fort Canid in her efforts to fly as far below the radar as she could?
“I’m sorry I did that to you,” she continued. I could feel her sorrow through our bond. It made me feel better that she wasn’t happy with what she’d done, even if she felt that she was in the right. It at least gave me something to work with. “But this curse that’s on me hurts everyone I’m close to. Everyone I care about. I call it the malignant shadow, and it’s insidious. No one is safe, and no line is too far. It’s hurt, maimed, it’s even killed.”
“Killed?”
“Yes, multiple times. People I loved. They’d try to say they were freak accidents, or that they weren’t my fault, but I knew. I think I always knew, even when I was young.”
“Ayla…”
“No, don’t say my name like that. I can tell you’re going to try to convince me out of it, but out of the pair of us, who do you think would know better?”
A valid point, but that didn’t stop me wanting to comfort her. The idea that she’d been only a child and thought that she was responsible for the awful events that happened to the people around her…whew,that was heady stuff.
If it was true, well, the implications were also just as weighty. I couldn’t imagine a child having to see such awful things and then take on the responsibility for them. No wonder Ayla was so closed off, especially if she believed reaching out would be a death sentence for whoever she talked to.
My mind worked backward, re-framing things with the new information she’d given me, and it was borderline too much. I wanted to fight the entire world, or bite the ass of karma herself, because clearly she had her priorities out of whack. I knew there were plenty of people who were truly terrible and also got away with terrible things, and yet Ayla was being punished for just existing.
“What bastard put that curse on a kid?”
Her eyes were wide when she looked up at me from the protective circle of my arms. “You believe me?”
Gods, the openness, the uncertainty in her tone made my already breaking heart shatter. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“Because I tricked you.”
I squeezed her again, not enough to hurt but enough to assure her that I was there. “You did what you thought you had to. I’m not happy about it, but I appreciate that you cared somuch that you were willing to endure three years of torture in order to spare me.”
The more I thought about it, the more I was pretty sure I wouldn’t have been so strong. I'd have been greedy, selfish, and willing to risk things, or at least I was pretty sure I would. Even now, with Ayla so vulnerable in my arms, I noticed how soft her skin was, or the intoxication of her scent. She was my true weakness. The chink in my armor.
“You’re being so understanding.”
