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He shook his head. The sun was starting to come up, just a little though, and I could see that he was smaller than he'd been the last time I'd seen him. He'd shrunk, and his hair was longer, and he looked almost frail. "Bolivar?"
"It's nothing. Maybe I'm feeling my own mortality now that I'm human and no longer looking forward to another thousand years on this planet. But, for me, I'd hate to spend time with someone who didn't want something long term with me. And that is just me. It may be that he doesn't want something more than that, too. You two could just be having fun together. But if he wants something more than that, something like Jack did, and you're just there knowing that you're going to cut himoff eventually? Then that's just cruel. Talk to him and see what he's thinking too. I'm going to head back down to the Keys again. I only stopped here on my way back from yelling at Imrel some more."
I knew he was right, but I also wished that he would stay. I missed him. "Why were you with Imrel?"
"Because he wants to start moving his territory lower now that I'm no longer a dragon. We're negotiating for me to leave Maine to him. I'd still have my house, of course, but I dislike the idea of that idiot being in my territory, even just the northern most tip of it. I guess it doesn't matter much anymore though, considering that he's going to be a dragon for another three hundred years or so and I'm only going to be alive for another seventy at best. But old habits die hard. So, I'll see you another time. And talk to Jeffrey before you break his heart."
He moved to leave but I grabbed the sheet and then his hand as I got off the bed. "Stay with me."
I was surprised by his snort, as if spending time with me was the last thing he would want to do. "See you later. Send me a text sometime. Let me know what you decide to do about Jacob."
"Jeffrey," I grumbled.
"Stay warm," he called back to me, and then he was gone. I sat there on my bed and then, right after he got into a taxi, I went back to sleep.
In the morning I ate some ice cream for breakfast. It was nearly eleven when I got up anyway. I had a text from Jeffrey waiting for me when I got out of the shower.
Hi. Miss you.
I frowned at my phone and wondered what to say. Was I with him because I wanted to be? Because dating in general was fun even though I wasn't all that excited about him? It was almost Christmas, and I didn’t want to be the jerk that broke up with his boyfriend near Christmas, so I definitely didn't wantto do that. Still, leading him on felt weird and wrong. I hated that talking to Bolivar had made me second-guess this. I'd been perfectly fine just having fun hanging out with Jeffrey until it wasn't fun to be around him anymore. But now I wasn't nearly so sure.
It took me over two hours to decide to respond back to him, and even then I wasn't sure what to say to him. I kind of missed him. But I missed Bolivar more. I wished that he'd taken me to the Keys with him. Or that he'd stayed and made some lobster rolls with me at least before he'd left me here in Maine in the snow and the cold.
How's things?I asked him. I should have come up with something better to say, especially since I was dating him. But I couldn't think of anything.
Are you happy?His text took less than five minutes.
I wasn't sure where he was going with his question, and, worse yet, I wasn't even sure that I cared.I don't want to be in a secret relationship.There, I'd been honest with him. It sucked, and I was sure that I was hurting him and I didn't want to do that, but I didn't want to pretend, either. If this continued, which I was sure that it wouldn't, did that mean that we would never hang out at his parents' house? Would I never meet them at all? Or, if I did, would I always only be referred to as his friend and nothing more?
It took him almost an hour to get back to me. I figured he was upset. Or just needed some time to think things through.I think we're over then, because I'm not going to be able to change this anytime soon.
I didn't know what to say. He didn't even want to argue? Or stand up for himself with his parents? He just seemed to be giving up. Our relationship hadn't meant a lot to me, but I thought it had to him. Apparently not.Okay, I texted back. I didn't want to argue with him either.
My next text was to Bolivar. I was done talking to Jeffrey. I was mad at him for giving up so easily. And I was mad at me for caring so much when I'd been willing to break up with him too but wanted to wait until after Christmas to do so.Jeffrey and I broke up, I texted Bolivar.
Why?Bolivar texted back, almost immediately.
Turns out we didn't care about each other very much.At least my ice cream was good, even as my mood soured and crashed out.
Want me to come back? If you're upset and need a friend I can be back on a plane and be there in a few hours.
I loved his offer, but I knew it was selfish of me to want him to come back. He didn't want to be in Maine with me. I knew that, too. I wanted him with me, but I didn't want to put myself and what I wanted over his desires.I'm fine. Just a breakup. No big deal.
Okay. Text me if you need me.
I will.I knew I wouldn't, though. I wouldn't text him, and I wouldn't need him.
When I got back to campus, Jeffrey didn't text me. I knew he was back because I'd seen him around, but he didn't say anything to me. And when I went to the next crafting group meeting, no one else ever showed up. They'd moved it and abandoned me. All because I didn't want to be with someone who had to remain in the closet. It wasn't fair, and I was hurt, but I tried not to let it bother me.
To get my mind off Jeffrey and how I suddenly had no friends, I thought about Bolivar. He would have never abandoned me. I was sure of it. No matter what, he would always be there for me. If I needed him he would take care of me. And he would never hide who he was or that we had a connection. With my mind made up, and with a few days left still before classes started up again, I went to the airport, purchased aninsanely expensive ticket to get me down to the Keys within a few hours, and then sat back to wait on my plane south.
I'm coming to the Keys,I texted Bolivar. I figured he would want a heads up.
Why?
I rolled my eyes. I didn't need his permission for this or anything else. The truth was that I had no friends and I was lonely and I wanted to be around someone who wasn't a complete jerk, but I didn't want him to feel pity for me.Maine sucks, I simply texted back to him.
No, it doesn't, but go ahead and lie. I'll be here when you get to the resort. Are you taking classes this semester still, or are you skipping this semester to spend time partying?
