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"Still, this shit isn't easy," Isay.
"Nothing worth doing is ever easy, Chris," Thomas says. He pats myhand.
I consider our conversation. Thomas is right, nothing in life is easy and if he is promising me safety, perhaps it was worth doing. Besides, I recall, it is just for one weekend a month. It isn't like I am prostituting myself every day of the week. I still have a career.
"Fine," I say. "I won't throw in the towel yet. But if I get another asshole client I'mout."
Thomas grins.
I realize that with money, I feel a sense of security and autonomy. I don’t have anyone to depend on for anything if I want it, and if I want something, I can just have it. And it also feels good to be desired, to have the kind of power and influence that I have over men. But how long could I keep this up without another problem arising?
And what will this do to my sort of relationship David? I can’t really say that I’m lying to him, but I don’t think things can or should go on the way they are? And I try to push back my thoughts of Mr. M. There’s entirely too much going on in my brain right now and I resolve to push forward and figure it allout.
