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Carrie
The sun is settingaround us now and its orange tones merge with the fire before our eyes. The tacky house I’ve always called home is lit up. It’s as if the day is blending with the fire and yet soon we will be subdued by darkness. I crave the darkness now, like a blanket in the otherwise cold night. I crave it because it comes from Jeremy and wherever he is I am home. This place, the palatial mansion built on falsity is turning into embers and I’m happy to see it go. Goodbyepast.
We are standing a little aside, in a thick of trees, watching the house burn. The flames lick up around every window and door that has ever kept me caged in. My parents are gone and I don't feel nostalgia or sadness. I only feel free. I feel free because of Jeremy. He awakened my sense of life. I never knew how divine this world could be. When I met Jeremy my outlook changed. He ignited my passion for him and for everything. Though the feelings are deep and very overwhelming, I'd rather be with him and fall hard then to ever face life alone again.
I am riding this high of power with him, my true love, by myside.
The fire is melting my past away and it feels like a personal detox for me. All the trauma and bitterness is being swept away so that I can be reborn as my true self. I am like a phoenix rising from the ashes of my past, and I see it happening literally before me. I never knew how much I despised them. I hated my parents, they made me feel worthless and immune to love. I put walls up to guard my heart because every part of my life was hurtful. But, today those walls are burning down and it's so fun to watch.
"You did this for me," I see the red-orange glow of the fire flicker in Jeremy's eyes and I think how fitting it is. He has the hot fire of passion burning inside of him and he ignites that inme.
"Are you happy?"
I pull into him and trail soft kisses along his strong jawline. "I'm happy," I say breathlessly. "You have made me strong."
He takes my face in his hands and kisses me with eagerness. He's tasting every part of me, tracing his tongue along my teeth. He pulls me up into his arms tightly and my feet almost lift from the ground. I am light and free and full of power. I give in to his every whim and I always will. In fact, the scene of my parent's destruction makes me ache for him, down there, deep inside me. I am lusting after this handsome man who has made my dreams come true. He's helped realize fantasies that I never knew I had. Fuck. I'm in so deep with him and I never want to come out ofit.
He savors the taste of my lips and he holds me tight as we watch it allburn.
"You have broken me," I say. His look is inquiring but a tad hurtalso.
"But you just said I made you strong."
"You didn't let me finish. You broke me apart...and I needed to be broken. You crushed the shell around me into a million pieces so that the real me has been born. I've never felt like myself before and now I do. I always knew I was waiting for something but I didn't know what. Now I realize it was you all along, I've been waiting foryou."
Tears of happiness well up in my eyes and he scoops each one away with his thumb as Icry.
"Don't cry my baby, it's all okay now. I'm here. Things are right for once." He kisses me and says quietly into my mouth, "I was waiting for you too. I was just waiting."
I feel sad for the years wasted on a life not worth living. I'm happy to expunge it all. I feel violent cravings inside to right all the wrongs that I've endured. Most of all, though, I feel fortunate that things have finally turned around. I've met my soul mate and I've come full circle and our entire lives are in front of usnow.
"I didn't understand how maltreated I was. I mean, it felt awful, but I never could trust my own feelings because it was too much pain to endure. I kept it all bottled up Jeremy, and now, seeing my past dissolve into a mess of flames, with my parents gone, I can finally see how damaged I was. I didn't deserve any of it. I didn't deserve to be treated thatway."
His heavy arms are wrapped around my small frame. I am a wisp compared to him. And again, feeling his weight over me settles me down, like I will not blow away from all the misery I've endured. I will be kept safe in his arms, forever.
"Jeremy," I look up into his blazing eyes and my heart is spread open. "I love you, I will always love you, and please don't ever leave my side. That's my only fear now, that I'll loseyou."
"Never," he voice is stern and I believe him. Maybe we can have the dream...Ihope.
