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“I want you out of my life,” I said, and Kova took that as an invitation to roll his hips against mine.
It sickened me that I became wet against his dick, more so than wanting to push his buttons. I was so beyond livid. I needed to make him feel the weight of his words. I wanted him to understand where I was coming from and how much he hurt me. Fighting him wasn’t easy, especially when I was already so weak, but I was damn well going to try.
And yet, I didn’t stop because the storm that was brewing inside me felt too good. The allure was too strong and it gave me a thrill to see him pissed off. I loved how he looked when he got like this. It was like living and breathing only him through my veins. Provoking him only provoked me.
And it wasn’t healthy for either of us.
“Once again, you’ve made me hate the sight of you. You’re a disgusting human being. I can’t believe you would do this. The pulling back and forth. I’m done with it. You’re going to get married? You’re gonna go through with it? Then why are you here with me!”
I reared back, and with all my might, I slapped him across the face. I slapped him so hard his head snapped to the side and my hand stung from the connection.
An inaudible gasp escaped me. I couldn’t believe I did it again, and that it felt good too.
The room burst with tension and the silence was eerie. Kova’s entire body hardened to stone and I was suddenly terrified to see how he’d respond. I’d never hit another person before, and in the span of five minutes, I’d hit Kova twice.
There had to be a dark spot in my mind I wasn’t aware of because in some perverse way, I wanted him to hit me back. To knock some sense into me for good because no matter how angry or hurt I was, I still came back for more. I was strong, but I wasn’t strong enough to deny the attraction.
The worst part? Slappinghimexcited me. It felt good. Too good, in fact.
Maybe there was something wrong with my moral compass too.
Or maybe I was just deranged and finally lost it.
Cupping the back of his neck, I pulled him down to me. “You only ever give a shit about yourself. You’re the most selfish man I’ve ever met.”
Kova pushed back and grabbed my wrists, pinning them to the bed by my head. The skin between his eyes crinkled together.
“You are one crazy bitch, you know that?”
His cock hardened and I felt a pearl of wetness seep from me. This man hurt me in more ways than I could count, and yet I still desired him. If this wasn’t a toxic relationship, I wasn’t sure what was.
“Your ethics are fucked up,” I said.
Mine clearly were too, but he didn’t need to hear that.
“How can you tell lie after lie and never feel bad about it? You’re losing control, and this is the only way you can fix your situation? To use me? You used me because Katja refused you. So the only way to get things to play out the way you want is to agree to marriage?”
I gasped, trying to catch my breath at the reality of the situation. My eyes were huge as I stared at him, wired and ready for a fight. I didn’t care that I sounded like a lunatic. Not when everything I said was the truth, and he knew that.
“Do not ever fucking hit me again,” he gritted through his teeth, right next to my face. I fisted his hair and yanked it back. His neck strained with ribbons of veins as he fought my pull. Kova’s cock was thick and full at my hip, like a dagger pushing into me. My body flared with unshed desire that rocked me to the core. I was stunned by how big and hard he was, considering I had hit him and the way I was speaking to him. It wasn’t normal.
But then it clicked.
I’d completely forgotten that he once told me he loved when I fought him, that it turned him on. All this screaming and arguing I was doing to make him see how I really felt was backfiring on me.
“You’ve lost all control and you can’t deal with it.”
“You do not know what you are talking about because you will not let me speak!”
“That’s because I don’t want to hear your bullshit lies!”
I couldn’t take it anymore. Why did he have to do this to me? I wanted him to feel the pain he caused me. The lacerations that scarred my heart from his actions.
Whispering next to his ear, I spoke slowly in a blind rage. He’d feel these words. “You’re nothing but a user and an abuser. I loathe you.”
“You loathe me?” His voice was thick with emotion.
Kova pulled back, and his eyes burned with a passion that made me question my statement. His face filled with disbelief and a hint of sadness. Did I loathe him? Truly loathe him?
