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It was then that it really hit me just how sick she was and fighting it. I was terrified I would lose her forever, so I did some research before I called Frank. She is a warrior and I made myself a promise that day to do whatever I could to make her live.
Frank and I had a long discussion over her future in the sport that day. I was sick to my stomach and actually vomited after I got off the phone. Adrianna’s drive and focus camouflaged her illness. Her passion ran deep, so I had to be creative in supporting her when she became exhausted. I was a mess, terrified she was going to ruin herself, that maybe I was pushing too much. I am sure I did, but that was part of the process. It was a test of wills. Frank had agreed to whatever I said.
Lucia:Were you upset that Adrianna didn’t tell you? I was surprised myself she held back as long as she did. I wanted her to. So many times I deleted the words because they were not mine to say.
Kova:You will never understand. I was devasted when I realized she did not lean on me. I understood her motive better than anyone else, so I tried to be unbiased when it came to her choices. But, fuck, it was not easy. I had to remind myself she was my gymnast, and I, her coach.
Lucia:Kova, let’s go back to when Adrianna gave you a brownie on your birthday. While the gesture may have seemed small, it was large in the grand scheme of things for you.
Kova:It was a pivotal moment between us without realizing it. Katja and I were already in a rocky state. I expected her to act accordingly, and she did, just not to the degree at which she did. She sent me a message early the following morning saying she was delaying her flight by two days. I forget the reason now. It does not matter, but I remember telling her to have fun and I would see her when she got back. She said she would. I thought nothing of it.
So the brownie thing. I am not one to make a scene over birthdays. I do not like the attention. But Ria makes me brownies every birthday now. The kids love it because we do both cake and brownies. (he smiles shyly)
Lucia:(clears throat)Did you ever miss Katja’s birthday?
Kova:No, but I did miss an anniversary here and there.
Lucia:Before you were married to her or after?
Kova:Both.
Lucia:And Adrianna’s?
Kova:She is my exception. The brownie changed me. It meant more to me than anything to watch her jump into action to find a way to celebrate with me. Personally, I did not want to, but she was already running. It was selfless and hit me square in the chest. And that is what struck me. I could not recall a time prior to that when someone did anything just because they cared enough to.
Lucia:Is it possible Katja knew more than she let on? Figured if you were screwing her over, then she would screw you over any way she could? I’m sure you’ve heard of the saying “A scorned woman knows no bounds.”
Kova:I am married now, Lucia, in case you did not know. I have heard it all from Adrianna. Women have a sixth sense. Katja may have known, but she hid it well.There was a time when I was paranoid she knew, but I do not care anymore. I got what I wanted in the end, and there is no need to dwell on the past. Even suspicion would cause a woman to become irate. I gave her plenty of those moments.
Lucia:Do you think Adrianna’s empathy allowed you to reveal parts of yourself you normally wouldn’t? You told her about your late mother, and your conception, an extremely personal aspect of your life. You are, essentially, the product of molestation. That’s a hard pill to swallow, and you told your gymnast at the time.
Kova:(eyes soften) I wish I could explain what it was or why I made the choices I did when it came to Adrianna.
I like to think it was the universe at work—some things are not able to be explained. Two people who made it through some of the hardest times of their lives manage to find each other again years later should answer any question left. There is an undying love between us that can never be severed. While I was building her strength through training for a future she was not aware she was about to embark on, she was breaking me open and emancipating me from the man I was so I could be the man she eventually needed me to be. It is a push and pull with us. Always has been. She never had any judgement or shame in her eyes for the choices my mother or I made. Adrianna was my refuge, a place I could retreat to safely, and I think in the back of my mind I knew that before it made any sense.
Lucia:How about we take one last break? I’m out of caffeine and could use a fresh cup to get through the rest of the interview. Need anything?
Kova:Vodka.
Lucia:Espresso? Black coffee?
Kova:I have enough hair on my ass, Lucia.
Leaving Kova alone, I muse over the questions I have left in my notepad. There are so many things I want to talk about with him, and while I’d love to steal as much time as I can with Kova to really get inside his head, he does have five kids and his free time is limited.
I enter the kitchen and think over the interview so far. Kova is explaining his point of view his way, and only his way. Whether it makes others uncomfortable or not, Kova is setting his record straight.
Guess I should grab that bottle of vodka I bought for him after all.
Lucia:(places liquor bottles down on the rectangular table between us with a new glass)
Kova:Where is your coffee?
Lucia:Changed my mind. You’re a lot on the psyche. Figured I needed something a bit stronger than coffee to get us through the next half.
Kova:It is probably best that way, all things considering.
Lucia:There isn’t an easy way to broach some of these questions. Like the controversial age difference between you and Adrianna. Fifteen years is kind of a lot. Aside from being Adrianna’s coach and her being underage, why weren’t you repelled at the thought of being with her sexually?
