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Kova:Whois to say I was not repelled? Because I did not act accordingly? To whom? So you mean to tell me that if we had waited two years to be together, it would have been accepted? Bullshit. Love does not have a time. It waits for no one. No matter what, someone would have had a problem. That is just the way it goes.
I wassickenedby my response but had nowhere to turn to make sense of it. Attraction never occurred to me while I coached. I was professional in every letter of the word. Believe me, I tried to work this issue out myself. My thoughts were twisted. She was my match. Just in the wrong lifetime.
And I am not talking about sex. Read between the lines.
Lucia:Do you still think it wouldn’t have benefitted you, in this moment, to have a point of view?
Kova:My opinion has not changed on the matter.
Lucia:Why’s that?
Kova:Regardless of my point of view, I was her coach first and foremost. That came with a guideline I was trained on and expected to adhere to. Lines are clearly put in place for obvious reasons. Adrianna may have been of age, but the romantic aspect went together like oil and water. We would never emulsify in the gymnastics world. So my point of view would not have mattered. I know I was in the wrong. I get it. Do you need to be in my head to hear that? No.
Lucia:But it would have shown us you refusing her, that you weren’t in fact grooming her for your own sexual fantasies.
Kova:What is wrong with you?
Lucia:It may have helped to show you’re not the labels stuck to you. I’m sure you’re aware that some believe you prey on athletes.
Kova:It would have also shown me saying that my vagina hurts over and over.
Lucia:(bursts out laughing)
Kova:If someone labeled me with their preconceived notion I prey on gymnasts without gathering proper details, that is their problem not mine. I did not care what people thought of me then, and I certainly do not now. Whether anyone likes to hear it or not, outside of gymnastics, Adrianna was not a gymnast, and I was not her coach.
There was a familiarity with Adrianna, like I had known her in another lifetime. She was not in high school, and I was not her father’s friend. We were two people who found a sense of harmony without needing to explain it to a damn person. If she ever feared me for a second, I hope God strikes me down right now because it is the last thing I would ever want for her, or any woman in this world.
Lucia:I think it would’ve helped your case, but it wouldn’t have saved you. Not at all. In all honesty, you were fucked from the start.
Kova:The circumstances were fucked, I will give you that. But it does not make them wrong. In my country, Adrianna is legal at sixteen to marry. I could have married her and no one could have said anything.
Lucia:If you knew right from wrong, then you can give us a look inside your mind when you and Adrianna were intimate for the first time.
Kova:My thoughts are not up for debate when it comes to fucking my wife.
Lucia:Moving on. When did you realize Adrianna was “the one”? That she was your end game?
Kova:Not until too late, truthfully. I had shunned any thought of that magnitude. Was it not the most preposterous thing that could happen? (I nod) But if I had to pinpoint it, I would say that you are not going to like my answer.
Lucia:Ofcourse, I won’t.
Kova: (looks at his empty glass) May I have another first?
Lucia:Only good boys get rewarded. Just say it. Since when did you become a wuss?
Kova:(reaches forward and steals my bourbon and empties it)Prosti.
Lucia: (stares in shock)Prosti?Like you’re sorry you have to tell me? Sorry you chugged my drink? Or sorry as in it was theprosticouch night? Because I know it can’t be theprosticouch. I know it can’t.
Kova:(remains silent)
Lucia: It can’t possibly be that night. That’s when you realized she was your end game? After marrying Katja and making love to Adrianna for the first time? Wow. I…uh…
Kova: I was already in deep for Ria, but my denial had no bounds. I was searching for explanations, searching for reasons why my response was so intense to her. It was not until the night I appeared at her condo that really shifted things into perspective, only I did not realize it then.
Going to Ria’s was wrong, but it was the only place I could find refuge. I had to get out, or I was going to combust. Adrianna quiets the thoughts in my head. She calms me just being next to me. She smooths out the noise and brightens the colors in any room she walks in. It was wrong, but she was where I wanted to be. I knew she could help me, even if I did not know what I was asking for.
Lucia: Adrianna was prepared to take all of your pain away without question. Do you think being intimate with her was going too far at that point? With the marriage and the dinner that night, especially now that you know where her head was at?
