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Mark is the first one to speak. “I’ve obviously never been in that situation, but I think you should just tell Richard to fuck the hell off.”
I laugh. “I can’t do that. That’s his dad, Mark.”
“I’m serious. If Shanna’s dad had done that to me, you really think I wouldn’t still be marrying her? When it’s the right person, it’s the right person, Shawn.”
“But what if I’m not the right person for him?” I don’t mean for the question to come out. It’s so fucking vulnerable that I consider hanging up on them instantly.
But Shanna speaks, stopping me. “Shawn, did what Richard say really prompt you to leave? Or is it just what your mind is using to justify leaving because you’re scared of what’s happening between you and Lucas?”
My face warms, and I look away from the screen. “I don’t know.”
“Well, you should really think about it,” Shanna says. “Because if you’re making decisions for Lucas, that’s not a good relationship. He should get to make a choice too.”
I nod because she’s right, even if I hate it. I did take away Lucas’s choice. I should’ve talked to him first. Told him everything that was going on so we could reach some kind of conclusion together.
Right now, I’m doing exactly the same as what I did eight years ago. I’m running away. Except this time, I don’t need to run.
This time, I need to stay.
***
I get back to Charleston as fast as I can. It’s almost midnight, but I head to Lucas’s apartment anyway. I’m afraid if I wait, I might lose my nerve.
After I ring the bell, it’s the longest ten seconds of my life before Lucas opens the door. He’s still dressed, and his eyes are alert. “Shawn.”
“I’m sorry.”
He’s quiet for a few seconds, studying my face. Then he asks, “For what?”
There are so many things I could apologize for, but none of them matter. Only this one. “I’m sorry for breaking my promise and leaving again without saying goodbye.”
“Why did you?”
I lower my gaze, unsure what to tell him. I hadn’t planned this far ahead. His dad was a big driving reason why I took off again. But he wasn’t the real reason. “I was afraid. I was scared that maybe you might realize you could do better than me, and you’d leave me. And I wanted to leave you before I could get left. Again.”
He’s silent for a few more seconds, then widens his door, allowing me to enter the apartment. As soon as I step inside, I’m hit the memory of what we did just a few days ago in here. The scent of Lucas’s cologne lingers in the air, and the lights in the place are dim again. Just like that night.
“I’m glad you came back,” Lucas says, shutting and locking the door.
I turn back to look at him, my heart lodged up in my throat. “I’ve never had someone want me, Lucas. I don’t know what to do with it.”
Slowly, he reaches out and takes my hand. “I’ll help you. Through all of it. But I need you to be honest with me, Shawn. I can’t come home every day, hoping you haven’t run off again. I won’t live like that.”
“I won’t,” I say, meaning it with everything in me. “I swear I won’t.”
His thumb rubs the back of my hand, and he says quietly, “I’m always going to want you, Shawn. No matter what parts of you that you show me. It’s never going to be too much for me.”
I swallow past the tightness in my throat, willing my voice not to shake. “The thought of not being good enough for you scares the hell out of me.”
He tugs on my hand, pulling me close to him. His arms wrap around me, and I lay my head on his chest, and it feels like coming home.
“Don’t you ever think that,” she says fiercely. “You’re everything I want, Shawn. And that’s not going to change.”
I breathe in his scent, letting it wash over me. Calm me. We have so much to talk about. Decisions to make about where we’re going from here. But right now, I don’t want to talk. I just want to live in the moment with him.
I turn my head and press a kiss to the base of his throat before moving my mouth lower to the collar of his shirt then down to his chest.
“Shawn,” he groans. “I need you out of these clothes.”
