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He pulls away, and I feel suddenly cold and really aware of the fact that I’m naked.
Lucas ties the condom off and gets rid of it before grabbing his jeans from the floor. Since he’s getting dressed, I do the same. My hands are shaking a little. I can’t believe I admitted that to him. Who would ever want to be with someone that’s never been loved by anyone? Not even their own parents.
“I’m sorry.” I don’t even realize I’m going to say it. Suddenly, the words are just out there between us.
Lucas pulls his shirt over his head before looking at me. “What are you sorry for?”
My throat’s too tight to speak, and I hate that I ruined this. We were having such a nice moment. I’d started thinking that maybe Lucas was right. Maybe I didn’t always have to run away. But now…
“Shawn.” Lucas lifts a hand and cups the side of my face. “I’m not angry, and I’m not leaving. I started getting dressed because I wanted to have a real conversation with you. Face to face. Okay?”
I still feel like I can’t speak, so I just nod.
His thumb rubs across my cheek, and when he smiles, his eyes are sad. “I’m sorry no one’s ever said that to you before.”
My face warms, and I look away from him as best I can with his hand still holding me in place. “It’s not a big deal. I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m sorry. I got nervous.”
“Why? Because I said it?”
I shrug, wishing I’d kept my mouth shut. “I guess.”
“I’m sorry it makes you nervous,” he says softly. “But, Shawn, I have to keep saying it. It’s not going to change. I do love you. I have since I was sixteen years old.”
“No.” The word slips out of me, and once it does, I can’t stop myself from saying the rest. “You don’t know what I did when I went back out on the streets. The things I did to survive…”
“I don’t need to know about that,” he says, caressing my cheek again. “If you ever want to talk to me about it, I’m here for you. But I promise that nothing you say is going to change my mind about you.”
I flick my gaze up to meet his, searching his eyes to see if I can find a lie. There isn’t one. He’s telling me the truth. “What if… What if I don’t deserve you?”
“Oh, baby.” He pulls me close, letting me rest my head on his shoulder as he holds me. “There’s no chance of that ever happening. You deserve everything good in life. And I promise I’ll do everything I can to help you realize that.”
There’s so much certainty in his voice that it scares me. But I take a deep breath, inhaling the scent of Lucas that reminds me so much of being safe. Then I wrap my arms around him and hug him tightly, telling him without words how much I love him too.
Epilogue
Three Months Later
Lucas
Shanna and Mark’s wedding ceremony is beautiful. I don’t get to spend as much time with Shawn during it as I’d like because he’s busy photographing everything. They had been so impressed with their engagement photos that they immediately booked him for their wedding. I can tell Shawn likes them both by the way he talks about them to me.
We’ve been spending a lot of time together ever since he moved in with me. It took some convincing even though we spent nearly every waking moment together. He was scared of living with someone else again, and I did my best to just stay patient. He’s been so used to bouncing around everywhere since he was a child that it’s hard for him to stay in one place.
But he’s trying.
I still haven’t spoken to my dad since Shawn came back. Shawn told me what happened in the cemetery, and I’m not sure how I’m supposed to handle that. So I haven’t yet. I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life without my father in it, but I won’t allow him around Shawn because I won’t let my dad hurt him again.
Shawn’s been through enough.
During the wedding, I don’t see him until after the reception, after Shanna and Mark have left. Then I find him at a circular table, his suit jacket slung over the back of a chair while he drains a soda.
“Hey.” I come up behind him and put my hands on his shoulders. I learned pretty quickly not to sneak up behind him when he gave me a black eye the first time I startled him because he swung on instinct before he’d even checked who it was. He clearly learned how to defend himself on the streets. Something else that’s taken some convincing.
Talking about anything serious, especially his past, is still really hard for him. But he’s taking small steps in that direction, and I couldn’t be prouder of him.
“Hey.” He turns in his chair and gives me a smile. “I’m sorry I wasn’t around too much during the wedding.”
“You told me you wouldn’t be. It’s okay. You were doing your job, babe.” I lean down and kiss the top of his head before starting to massage his shoulders. “They seemed really happy.”
