Page 112 of Beautiful Trauma


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“Just the usual. We hang out. He kisses me goodnight before he leaves and then we basically do the same thing the next day.”

“You’ve only kissed?” Her face scrunched in concern.

“Yeah. But it’s nice. Do I want to climb him like a fucking tree? Yes. But I don’t want him to think I’m just using him, you know? Because I literally did that and it’s not what I want.”

“It’s not what you want…”

“No, Mish. I caught fucking feelings for the drummer.”

Her jaw dropped. “Holy shit, Cee. I’m not shocked, but I am. How are you feeling about all this?”

“Not gonna lie. Sometimes it feels like I’m a cheating bitch.” I took a deep breath to calm the emotions. “He’s been gone almost a year and I feel guilty. I didn’t think I’d ever get this swoony feeling again.”

“He’d want you to move on, Cee. You know that, right?”

I nodded, tearing up. “He made me promise I would. I didn’t think I could.”

“But did you see how hot Sergio looked holding your kid during my wedding? Geezus, every woman in that venue swooned.” She fanned a hand in front of her face.

“He was the one you went into that concert thinking you wanted. Don’t think I haven’t forgotten.” I winked, and she smiled. “You aren’t mad?”

“I just married Connor. You can have Sergio.”

I gave her the side-eye. “On more than one occasion, you’ve warned both of us away from each other.”

“That was before when you were breaking his heart.”

“And now?” I asked nervously. I needed her approval on this.

“Now, I do believe I’ll be able to tell everyone I used to be roommates with the wife of the Handheld Ninjas drummer.”

I took another deep breath, letting the idea sink into my soul. “I should’ve married Eli the first time he mentioned it.” The guilt made my stomach bottom out.

“The only thing he wanted was you, and he had you,” she said, putting her hand over mine. “Even if it took you entirely too fucking long to get with the program. He knew you would’ve. Twenty-six is just too young to die.”

Tears caught in the back of my throat, so I just nodded until I could get my voice to work. “I asked him if he wanted to get married before he died. That sonofabitch told me no.” She looked shocked by the information. I wiped tears from my eyes and sniffled before continuing, “He said I needed to save marriage for someone who would be there. Someone who I loved as much as he loved me.” The last words were hard to choke out. Mish leaned over for a hug, and we cried together.

Sixty-Eight

Sergio

“Dude, it’s about time,” I said with an exaggerated exhale as I waltzed into Connor’s kitchen, where he was making himself some coffee.

“I know we spend a lot of time together, man, but it was only two weeks.”

“Two weeks. I couldn’t text you.” My voice sounded exasperated, even to me. “How am I supposed to keep all this tea to myself?”

“What tea?”

“Cee fucking kissed me. Many times now.”

He raised his eyebrow. “This is news? You two have done far more than kiss.”

“I need you to be real with me. Am I stepping in shit here? Is it too soon to think I may have a shot?” I paced the kitchen.

Connor put down the mug he was holding and turned to me fully. “A shot? You mean a relationship?” His eyes crinkled in amusement. “Because you once told me relationships were for, and I quote, ‘mere mortals,’ of which you did not consider yourself.”

“I know what I said, jackass. But she’s the one. She’s my Mish. The one I’d throw it all away for. Besides, when I told you that, I was jealous, and we both knew it. I read romance novels for fun. Obviously, I was hoping to find that shit.”

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