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“She’s not yours to save, Serge.”
“Somebody fucking has to!” I roared.
“I know, and I see that too. But when we’re on stage, you need to be there with us. Mish and Silas are going to make sure Cee is okay while we’re on stage and immediately following, so you can focus on the band. I need you to trust that they won’t let anything happen to her.”
I sighed heavily, not sure I could do what he was asking. “I’m trying, man. I am.”
“What’s the deal with you two?”
“No deal. She’s one of my best friends. I’m just looking out for her.”
“Seems to me she doesn’t want you around. She goes out of her way to avoid you.”
“It does look that way, doesn’t it? When she’s sober, she does hate me. She hates me for making her come on this trip, even though I’m the only one who thought this was a horrible idea. Then she gets stupid drunk or high, and I’m the one making sure she gets back to the fucking bus every night.”
“You know we’d never leave her behind. We can get her to bed, Serge.”
“She calls me. Every fucking night.”
“She does?” He gave me a confused look. “Why?”
“She’s lonely. Maybe it’s because she knows I’m up and she doesn’t want to wake anyone else? I don’t know, but I’ve spent every night of this tour getting that woman to fall asleep. Before we left, I couldn’t get her out of bed, and now I’m the person trying to get her to sleep.”
“What do you talk about?”
“Mostly, I just read to her. She just needs to feel like someone is there. Needs a distraction so she can stop thinking. Then morning comes and I’m the enemy again,” I sulked.
“She’s not in a good place, man.” Connor gave me a look of concern. “You need to make sure you remember that.”
“Are you accusing me of something, Connor?” I got defensive.
“I don’t mean for it to sound that way, like an accusation. But it’s pretty clear you’ve got some feelings here. And I’m pretty sure you’ve fucked that girl.”
“That was years ago.”
He cocked his head at me, not buying my bullshit. “You want me to believe you haven’t touched her since Eli died? Because I don’t buy that. She’s all over you. I saw you two at the club the other night. She stayed in your room that night. I don’t know who you think you’re fooling, but it’s sure as shit not me.”
“She was going to leave with some random stranger. I made sure she didn’t do anything she’d regret later.” I shrugged.
“By bringing her back to your room and fucking her?”
My eyes narrowed. “I didn’t fuck her that night. I got her off and fucked my damn hand in the shower once she was asleep.”
He shook his head in disbelief. “You’re in deep, aren’t you?”
“I’ll be fine. We just need to get to the break in the schedule and get her home. This is not the place for her.”
He scoffed. “Yeah. Okay. Just look out for yourself, too. We can all help keep her out of trouble. You don’t have to do it alone.”
Forty-One
Me: You okay?
Five minutes later
Me: Cee?
To Mish:
