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I chewed on the inside of my cheek and caught Steven peering at me from the table with his siblings. Once I shot him a smile so he wouldn’t worry about me, I glanced down at my lap and bit back a frown.
Was that what Steven really enjoyed? What if I couldn’t take the punishment he wanted to give me? Would he break up with me? He seemed to like spending time with me. If he didn’t, then he wouldn’t have invited me to stay for Christmas break with him. But why couldn’t he tell me honestly what the necklace meant? Why didn’t he want to make things serious?
“Stop getting into your own head about this,” Heather said.
“I’m not,” I reassured.
“You totally are.”
Once I finally gathered the courage to look over at Steven, I swallowed. “I’m not.”
He hadn’t seemed to take his eyes off me since the last time I’d pulled my gaze away, his curious eyes suddenly wide with worry. He excused himself from the table and walked over to us casually, but I could tell that something was wrong.
“Are you okay, love?” Steven asked, sitting next to me on the couch, his arm curling around my shoulders and his worried gaze on me. “You look like you’re about to get sick or cry or … both right now.”
Heather glanced between us, sent me a smile, then walked over to sit with Hector, Michelle, and her submissive.
I turned a couple of inches toward Steven and straightened my back. “I’m great.”
“You’re a terrible liar,” he murmured.
After shaking my head to tell him that I really was fine, I placed my hand on his knee. “We were just talking about the class,” I said to Steven, nerves bubbling up inside me. “Are we going to … have a Discipline class?”
I remembered, a while ago, Steven had told me that I wouldn’t be able to take his discipline, so maybe this really was what he was waiting for. Maybe he wanted to be sure that I could handle all aspects of being his submissive before he asked me.
He stiffened, as if he hadn’t expected my question. “Do you want a Discipline class?”
My stomach twisted, but I wanted to please him. I wanted him to want me, to love me. Nobody in this world had made me feel so good about myself and about my life in a very, very, very long time. With him, everything felt so … right.
“Yes,” I whispered because I would do anything to please him.
43
steven
“Merry Christmas,” Hector said, hand stretched out toward me.
I shook it to wish him farewell and walked with him and his submissive to the door. Sierra had fallen asleep sometime in the past hour after Michelle left with her toy. And Heather was barely awake, holding on to Hector’s opposite hand, eyes fluttering closed.
“You did good this year with dinner. Would’ve made Mom proud,” Hector said, glancing behind me at Sierra on the couch. “I know it’s been hard on you since she passed. She was the only real person we all had. But now, you have Sierra.”
After following his gaze, I smiled and nodded. “Yeah, but …”
“But?”
“I didn’t give her the contract,” I said, upset with myself.
“Hey,” Hector said, squeezing my shoulder, “you have time. Don’t rush it.”
“I should’ve,” I said, shaking my head. “She gave me a present that … meant more to me than any other present someone had given me before. And I chickened out on gifting her a simple contract.”
“It’s not just a simple contract,” Hector said, releasing my shoulder and giving me a small smile. We didn’t talk as much as I did with Michelle, but I was glad he was supportive. “My first time was hard too. There’s a lot of trust you both have to put in each other. Don’t get down on yourself. It’ll happen.”
Hopefully.
Heather stumbled beside him, and Hector picked her up and tossed her over his shoulder.
“I have to get this one home. Just don’t wait too long, Steven. Don’t want her thinking that you’re using her. That’s the worst that can happen.”
