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Or it had been a long, long time since I’d gotten off.
Which it had.
I didn’t know that for sure—I had no way of recalling if I’d jacked off or hooked up recently—but I could feel it. In the way my orgasm was closing in fast, and in the way my touch-starved senses couldn’t get enough of finally, finally,finallybeing in someone’s arms.
Being in Matteo’s arms.
My throat tightened with the threat of tears. No, I wasn’t going to think about all that now. I was going to think about what Matteo and I were doing, and how good it felt, and how I could make him tremble as much as he did me.
The momentary distraction did have the benefit of pulling me away from the edge; I was still turned on beyond belief, but I wasn’t about to turn into a minuteman after all.
“Matteo,” I murmured. “Come up… Come up here. Please.”
His mouth was off my dick so fast it made me gasp, but then he was over me again, and I didn’t think I’d ever needed someone’s kiss like I needed his right then. I wrapped my arms around him, squeezing his hips between my thighs, and we made out like we hadn’t inyears. He pushed his uninjured arm under my back and held me to him, and his soft whimper melted both my heart and my spine.
Deep down, I was aware of how much I wanted to hate him for what he’d done to us.
But right then, I loved him so much it hurt, and I didn’t want to stop. The past didn’t matter. The how and the why and the who and the when—I didn’t fucking care. Maybe it made me an idiot, but I wanted to believe him when he told me he was sorry and that he regretted what he’d done. If I couldn’t trust his words, I could believe his touch, and my God, this man hadn’t held me this tight or kissed me this passionately inyears.
Does this mean we can go back?
No! He cheated!
But… I loved him. I love him.
Fuck. What do I do?
I decided that was for future Owen and Matteo to figure out. Right now, I just needed us to be as close as possible until we were breathing too hard to say anything about the past or present.
I dragged my nails over his shoulders. Matteo broke the kiss with a gasp and a shudder, throwing his head back. “Jesus…”
You are so damn hot.
“Fuck me,” I whispered.
His eyes flew open and met mine. “Yeah?”
I nodded. “Please?”
He swept his tongue across his lips. Then his expression turned a little shy. “Do you, um…” He cleared his throat. “Do you have condoms?”
“I…” Huh. That was a good question. We’d stopped using them years ago. If I did have any, they’d be in the nightstand drawer, so I motioned in that direction.
Matteo rolled away to look. Shaking his head, he met my gaze again, and he looked both disappointed and… perplexed?
I understood the confusion. I was confused too. Outside of a monogamous relationship, I was religious about using condoms. Which meant I probably hadn’t had sex—at least not in the condo—since we’d split up.
“I guess I haven’t…” I bit my lip, not sure how to finish that.
He offered a faint half-shrug. “I haven’t either, to tell you the truth.”
I stiffened. “You haven’t?”
Matteo shook his head and cut his eyes away from me. “No. Just, um…” He swallowed hard. “Haven’t put myself out there.”
Our eyes locked.
I swallowed as I sat up. “Did you use one when…”
