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Color bloomed in his cheeks, and he looked away from me. “Yes. Of course.”
My heart pounded. The mood was on the brink of dying away, but I wasn’t about to let it. I just wasn’t sure if…
“You get tested for everything under the sun at work, don’t you?”
He looked at me again, eyebrows up as if he hadn’t heard me right. “I… yes? And I got tested after Toronto just because—” He dropped his gaze and shook his head. “I’m not going to ask you to trust me enough to—”
I cut him off with a kiss. He tensed at first, but only for a second. His hand materialized on my face, then slid into my hair, and his soft moan chased away any remnants of awkwardness or discomfort. It had taken some serious convincing for me to believe Matteo wasn’t lying when he said he regretted cheating, but I believed to my core that he wouldn’t lie to me about STI tests. Yeah, he’d fucked up, and while I hadn’t ever imagined cheating was something he could do, it didn’t shake my trust in his refusal to put someone’s health at risk. Not mine, not his, and not that of the man in Toronto. Even if I had doubts there, it sure as hell wasn’t something he would do when he was desperately trying to atone for the past.
Maybe that made me an utter fool who was asking to be screwed over again, but there it was.
“Grab the lube,” I murmured. “I want you. Now.”
His ragged breath gusted past my lips. “Are you sure? I mean, without…?”
“Yes.”
He drew back enough to look in my eyes, and the shame in his only solidified my stance.
“Yes,” I said again. “Please.”
Matteo licked his lips. Then he nodded and reached for the nightstand again. He returned with a bottle of lube, and I bit my lip as I watched him pop open the top.
“How do you want it?” he asked, shakily pouring lube on his hand.
“Just like this.” I pushed a pillow under my lower back. “I want to see you.”
Uncertainty flickered across his face, but it was quickly replaced by hunger. Trailing fingertips along my inner thigh, he raked his gaze over me, and when they landed on mine, his eyes were full of heat and shame and love and regret. When he spoke, his voice echoed all those emotions, “You’ve always looked hot as hell like this.”
My throat tightened around my breath. He was the very picture of the man I’d loved right up until I’d stopped remembering, and he was also raw with the twin desires to have me like this and to go back in time and undo all the reasons we hadn’t touched in way too long.
I believe you, I wanted to say, because oh my God, right then, I did believe him. Whether that made me gullible, whether it meant I was signing up to get hurt again, I didn’t care. I wanted him, I needed him, I had him, and I loved him.
Lifting myself up on my elbow, I reached for his face. He came down to meet me halfway, and this kiss was soft and tender. Nothing like any kiss we’d shared since we’d come stumbling into the condo. Something closer to the one outside the restaurant.
I still didn’t know if we could truly come back from where we’d been, only that I wanted to. Taking a break from talking to make love instead felt like a damn good start.
I reached between us and stroked his well-lubed dick, earning me a low, helpless moan. He broke the kiss and buried his face in my neck as he rocked in and out of my hand.
“Fuck, Owen,” he groaned against my shoulder, and then he bit me, sending a shiver right through me.
“‘Fuck Owen’ sounds like a great idea to me.”
That got a laugh out of both of us, which broke some of the tension and made the moment feel a little less fraught.
Drawing back, he met me with a grin. “You really want to get fucked, don’t you?”
I tightened my grip, which earned me a satisfying gasp. “What do you think?”
A low groan emerged from his throat. Then he put a hand on my shoulder and pushed me back down to the pillows. “I can’t wait.”
I couldn’t either, and I thought I was going to lose my mind as he put some lube on his hand. He teased my hole with his fingers, sending electric shivers all the way to my toes. I had no idea how long it had actually been since I’d been fucked, only that it was clearly way too long, and a goddamned year too long since I’d had Matteo’s dick.
As he pushed his fingers in again, I hissed a string of curses, followed by, “Would you just fuck me already?”
That wicked grin was too sexy for words. And as it was, I lost all words because he withdrew his fingers, and then he was guiding himself to me. He teased me a little, probably both to torment me and to make absolutely sure I was ready for him.
“Matteo…”
