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So much more . . . “Hazel doesn’t want to get married.” And there it was. His wounded heart on display. He peeked toward her across the room, the heat of humility and heartache washing over his face.
“Oh, Bennett.” Mom left the couch, crossed the small area rug, and lowered to her knees at his side. One hand cradled the back of his head, and he dropped it to her shoulder. “I didn’t know you’d proposed.”
He shook his head and then lifted it. “It was an impulsive thing, and I shouldn’t have done it. But now it’s out there, and she said no, and I don’t know where that puts us.”
“You didn’t break up?”
“No. I don’t want that, and neither does she. She’s scared of marriage—thinks it’s a trap.”
“I can understand that, especially if the only example she’s witnessed wasn’t good.”
Mom was pretty good at reading between the lines, and she was dead on with that assumption. A grandfather who had died as a drunk and a grandmother who had worked hard to hide it—that had been Hazel’s experience. Even Bennett couldn’t blame her for being afraid.
“Do all marriages fail, Mom?”
Mom rubbed his arm and then turned to press her back against the stone of her small fireplace. “Sometimes it sure seems like it, doesn’t it?”
A space of silence settled. Bennett scrubbed a hand down his face and dropped back against the awful cushion of that long-expired chair. “Weak men.”
“What’s that?”
“Weak men. That’s the problem. We are weak when we’re supposed to be strong. We choose selfishness over sacrifice. Pleasure over faithfulness.” Bennett bounced his rolled fist on the faded upholstery, every sentence a self-indictment.
Mom stilled his hand with her palm. “It’s not just men. A good marriage takes two. And maybe you don’t remember, but there was a time your dad was selfless and honorable.”
Bennettdidremember. The memories were faded and wispy, but they were there—and they actually frustrated and defeated him even more. Chip was radically different now from the dad Bennett had had as a child. “What happened?”
Tipping her head back, Mom sighed. “He became disillusioned. First with the church. Then with God. And I’m sorry to say that I wasn’t a very kind or patient wife when he walked through the darkest parts of that struggle. I wanted him to just snap out of it.” Mom sat forward again, her shoulders rounding. “You know that Stephen Curtis Chapman song ‘Go There with You’?”
While Bennett knew of the musical artist, he couldn’t recall a single song the man had sung. “Not really.”
“That’s okay.” She fiddled with her fingers, rolling her lips together. “It’s a hard one for me to hear. Because it cuts conviction deep, even after all these years. I wasn’t that kind of spouse to your dad.”
Bennett watched for several heartbeats while his mom wrestled with regret. “Mom. That doesn’t excuse an affair. Certainly doesn’t account for his deconstructed faith—a sacred thing between him and God. And it didn’t give him the right to leave us.” He knew these things for sure, because he had his own failings before God. Things he couldn’t pin on his dad, even though he’d tried exactly that for most of his adult life.
One of the things that had become clear as he’d regained his memory last year—and saw his life for what it really had been—was that he was accountable before God for his life. Sans all excuses, legitimate or otherwise, Bennett was responsible for every selfish act. Every rebellious moment.
It had been an awful revelation. But it had led to a glorious path of redemption. This conversation with his mom was proof of it, because a year ago, such a thing would not have happened.
“No. It doesn’t excuse him.” Mom lifted her eyes to his face and searched him with a pleading look. “But I wasn’t perfect either. That’s what I’m trying to say here. A good marriage takes two—and even a good marriage will have struggles, because it’s going to involve two imperfect people.”
“What’s the secret, do you think?”
Mom shrugged. “I’m not sure. From the few successes that I’ve witnessed, I’d say, they devoted themselves to putting each other first. To be the other’s greatest advocate. Determined to fight for each other more than with each other. And most of all, they share a common love for the Lord.”
Despair hung on Bennett. Hazel didn’t share his growing love for God. Was this relationship doomed from all sides? Did he need to walk away?
His immediate response was to slap that thought away. He did notwantto walk away. But doing whatever he wanted, regardless of God’s input, was how Chip had lived. And how Bennett had wasted more than ten years of his life. It wasn’t who he wanted to be now. So instead Bennett forced the disquieting query toward his heart so that he could lift it before God in prayer later. Right alongside this issue of his siblings. Which brought him back to where this conversation had started.
“You think I should say yes to Dad?”
“I think you should follow where God leads on that.”
“Even if I know I’m not qualified and have no idea where to even begin with a pair of teenagers who are not likely to be excited about moving to Montana?”
“Even then.” Mom rose from the floor, stretched her back, then started toward that awful couch. “Maybe I should go with you.”
Her offhand comment, certainly made tongue-in-cheek, caused Bennett to freeze and hope at the same time. “Would you?”
