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“The entire street is warded,” Ophelia reminded me. “Actually, a full half-square mile is warded. Pandora nor her flaming assholes can get to us.”
“Not what I’m talking about,” I replied. “I have human neighbors.”
Fifi grinned and took a bow. “Not anymore, my liege Bitch Goddess Cecily.”
“Oh my God,” I choked out, feeling light headed with horror. “Did you fornicate with the entire neighborhood and suck out their life forces?”
Fifi slapped herself in the head and I almost threw up. “Why didn’t I think of that?” she lamented. “That would have been so much quicker and less expensive.”
“What are you talking about?” I demanded.
Again, Ophelia stepped in. “Fifi bought every single house in the warded area. She over-paid to get them to leave immediately.”
The news was shocking but way better than if she’d banged the neighborhood to death.
“Actually, that was smart. We can house part of our army here for protection,” Abaddon said, nodding at Fifi. “I’d be happy to refund the expense.”
“Absolutely not,” Fifi said, offended. “It’s a gift to my liege Bitch Goddess Cecily.”
I wasn’t sure how all of this was happening, but I was going to improv my way through it. “Can we house Cher, Irma, Moon, Stella, Corny and Jonny here as well?” I asked. Ophelia and Fifi were already my neighbors.
Yet again, I’d confused everyone.
“You’re the boss,” Dagon said with a kind smile. “Whatever you say goes.”
I blew a raspberry. “I work better in an ensemble,” I explained.
“As you wish… Bitch Goddess Cecily,” he replied with a bow of respect before turning to Fifi. “Please find homes for the Demons and the Angel.”
“Will do,” Fifi said, saluting Dagon. “I think it would be prudent to have a neighborhood picnic this evening. An informal get-together where we try to avoid violence.”
“I can whip up a hotdish,” Moon Sunny Swartz volunteered.
Ophelia’s eyes narrowed. “What does that mean?”
Moon cracked her knuckles and glared at Ophelia. “It’s Tater-tot Casserole, beeotch.”
“Ohhhhh!” Corny Crackers squealed. “I love Tater-tot Casserole! Do you use cream of mushroom or cream of chicken?”
Moon rolled her eyes. “Only a jackhole would use cream of chicken in Tater-tot Casserole. Everyone knows that you mix up cream of mushroom, sour cream, milk, garlic powder, dry mustard, a shit-load of shredded mild cheddar and some salt and pepper.”
Fifi was shocked and intrigued. I was grossed out.
“My stomach growls for such a delicacy,” Fifi announced, offering Moon a grenade. “But I’m confused. Where are the Tater-tots in the culinary masterpiece?”
Thankfully, Moon passed on the grenade. I was going to have a conversation with Fifi about her offering everyone explosives.
“Not to worry,” Moon assured Fifi. “The next step is adding ground beef to the mix with some veggies. I like cauliflower, jalapenos and creamed peas. Once you mix that shit up you put it in a casserole dish and layer the Tater-tots over it then liberally—and I mean liberally—spread the shredded cheese over it. Bake it for thirty minutes at four hundred degrees and voila, you have some good eats.”
“Yes!” Ophelia shouted. “Bring Tater-tot Casserole. I’m mostly sorry for being bitchy about it.”
“Everyone shall bring a dish,” Fifi announced. “If you’re not skilled in the culinary arts, then bring alcohol.”
I had a bad feeling there was going to be a bunch of wasted Immortals after the potluck. How in the hell had I gone from saving my dad to holding my dead mother in my arms to getting schooled on food that contained cream of mushroom soup, cauliflower, jalapenos and Tater-tots in the same day? Sucking my bottom lip into my mouth so I didn’t scream, I turned around and faced the woman who bore me and whose job I unwillingly inherited. “Can we talk? Inside?”
She smiled and held out her arms to me. I ran to them willingly and hugged her. It felt so good.
“I love you, Cecily,” she whispered against my hair. “Everything happens at the right time. Trust that and trust me.”
