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Moon returned the rude gesture with a grin.
I laughed. I couldn’t help it. These whackadoos had lessened my stress. I wasn’t sure if that was their intention or a by-product of their weirdness. Didn’t matter. The result was welcome.
“Aesop did so love to get gussied up,” Corny said.
My never-ending curiosity perked up. Plus, Candy Vargo had said there were no stupid questions. That was up for debate, but whatever.“Gussied up?”
“Loved a little makeup,” Corny explained with a giggle. “Especially lip rouge. He wore it well!”
A zing of energy shot through me at his admission. Candy Vargo for the win. There werenostupid questions. And also, a big shout out to Shiva for the makeup weapons. Becoming her semi-hostile BFF was on the to-do list.
“Do you have your lipsticks?”I asked, checking my pocket for mine. It was there.
My Demons nodded.
“Six flaming assholes. Six lipsticks. On my command, we use them on her flunkies. It’ll give us a better chance at survival.”
“That’s suspect,” Stella said. “I detect a hole in the plot.”
“Tell me,”I said. We were working as a team. While they might be questionable actors, I wasn’t a full-time writer.
“If we attack them with theipsticklay, it will look like we are onuoryay idesay. The shitty whore will not believe ouroyaltylayis toerhay.”
I couldn’t believe I followed that, but I did. And she was correct. The lipstick maneuver was a dead giveaway that we were working together. Part of the plan was for them to pretend they were still loyal to their old Goddess, Pandora. Screwing that up could put my dad in even more danger.
I racked my brain and came up with a rewrite on the scene. Pulling it out of my ass was an understatement.“Okay… Moon, you hum quietly on my command. That will make them come at us without provocation. Make it look like self-defense then throw yourselves on Pandora’s mercy. Get close to my dad and get him out of here.”
“Genius,” Corny congratulated me. “Am I still the one chosen to transport your father?”
I paused for a moment.“Yes,”I told him, but I left out a big plot twist. When Corny had my dad, they were all leaving. This was my fight, and they weren’t going to die for me.
They were not going to be happy, but I was the Goddess, writer, leading actor, and directorof Aesop’s Assholes. I was looking at the big picture, and my word was law.
“Are we ready?”I asked.
“Hell to the yes,” Moon answered.
I went straight to my new catch phrase. It applied perfectly.“Let’s get this party started.”
And we did.
* * *
I’d seenthe image of Pandora and Man-mom on the monitors only minutes earlier, but nothing could have prepared me for the real thing. My dad’s labored breathing and ashen skin triggered a fury that bubbled up inside me. I wanted to rip the Demon Goddess limb from limb. Rational thought was almost impossible. I made eye contact with dad, and he weakly shook his head. He wanted me to leave. That wasn’t happening.
“You’re a fucking bitch,” Irma snarled at me, punctuating it with an electrical volt.
Pandora laughed. It was slimy and made my skin crawl. However, I was wildly grateful to Irma Stoutwagon. She sensed my distress and zapped me out of it. Literally. Her acting chops were better than I’d originally thought.
“Screw you,” I hissed back at her. “It’s time for me to end all of you so I win the prize.”
The flaming assholes guarding Pandora bared their teeth. I was pretty sure they were smiling at the antics, but it was terrifying.
“I’m winning,” Moon shouted, throwing daggers like confetti. “All of your pathetic asses are grass.”
“In your dreams,” Stella growled, punching Moon in the head and sending her flying.
The shitty whore clasped her hands in delight. A bloodbath was clearly her idea of a good time. Her lackeys enjoyed the show as well. Violence was held in high regard.
