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“I’m doing a rewrite on the scene,” I said.
“This isn’t a TV show,” Abaddon reminded me, pressing the bridge of his nose.
“Nope, but I’m an actress and this is how I make sense of things,” I told him. “Stay with me here.” He nodded, so I continued. “I like the slant of including other species. It’s probably past time that we all get along. But, and it’s a big but, I only want Cher and Fifi with me along with Ophelia and Abaddon.”
“Keep going,” my agent said, taking notes with her purple eyeliner pencil. “Liking it so far. It has intrigue and with an edge of unpredictability.”
The was good. A solid scene led you on a chase to figure out what would happen next “I’m concerned about the safety of Corny, Moon and Irma. I know they’re familiar with Pandora’s palace.”
“In the show I think we should call her Stinky Whore,” Moon suggested.
“Oh, and would you be so kind as to use our new monikers?” Corny asked. “It feels more like a real one-hour drama if we’re using character names.”
When in Crazytown, one must hop off the train and buy a piece of property. I’d arrived and I was committed to staying. “Not a problem. I’m concerned about the safety of Underpants Man, Dropkicker and Couch Fucker. While they know the layout of Stinky Whore’s palace, it’s been a very long time since they’ve been there. I’m quite sure they won’t be welcomed back with open arms. Better?”
“Can you go with Sofa Shagger for me?” Moon inquired politely.
Polite went a long way in my book even if what we were discussing was insane. “Sure. Sofa Shagger. And I think the way to combat my fear and keep my people safe is to send Fifi and an army of Succubi with them. I’m pretty sure Pandora’s flunkies aren’t going to want to get into it with individuals who can snuff them out with sex.”
“One thousand individuals,” Sushi added with a curt nod to Fifi.
My self-appointed bodyguard pulled out her phone and began quickly texting.
My stomach went a little wonky that the scene I was making up as I spoke it aloud was about to come to life. I wasn’t a writer. I was an actress. However, I’d been punching up shitty scripts for a long time. It would help my sanity to look at the situation as a show in progress. I would rewrite it as many times as needed.
“Should I stay here and hold down the fort, darling child?” Uncle Joe asked, floating over and hovering in front of me.
I smiled at the beautiful man. “Yes. That would be perfect.”
“You can’t wear that,” Cher commented.
“Wear what?” I asked.
“Jeans and a t-shirt,” she said. “No one in the Darkness is going to take you seriously if you look like a soccer mom.”
“Fuck to the yes,” Candy backed her up. “You gotta wear black with high heels that’ll pinch your toes and make you hate the world. I’d suggest some side boob as well. Shows you got confidence.”
“Side boob shows confidence?” I asked, confused. Candy Vargo dressed like she’d walked out of a dumpster. I wasn’t sure I should take fashion advice from her.
“You’re a damned dingbat,” Cher muttered to Candy as she waved her hands and conjured me up a new outfit.
Gone was my comfortable clothing. I was now dressed in a black sequined Prada gown that fit me like a glove. It was off the shoulder and had a low back. Thankfully, no side boob. The stilettos were going to make me hate the world eventually, but right now they made me feel like a goddess.
“Okay,” I said as the butterflies in my stomach wet nuts. “Underpants Man, Dropkicker, Sofa Shagger and Fifi will transport directly to Pandora’s palace. Abaddon, Cher and Sushi will transport with me to Lilith’s palace.”
“Your palace,” Abaddon reminded me with a look in his eyes I couldn’t quite decipher. What I did know was that it made me breathless. And the butterflies liked it too if their breakdancing in my gut was any indication.
I took a deep breath and dove into the scene with everything I had. “My palace. We will transport to the Bitch Goddess Cecily’s palace.”
“That’s the ticket, motherfucker,” Candy Vargo said with a grin. “You’re a badass. Be the badass.”
“Do you want to come?” I asked, realizing I’d left her out.
“You don’t want me to come,” she said. “If the Keeper of Fate shows up in the Darkness, the end is fucking neigh.”
I gulped. My world had gotten a whole lot bigger and a shitload scarier. I pushed my morbid thoughts aside and stayed in character. I still felt like Cecily Bloom—former child star trying to make a comeback in Hollywood at forty. Bitch Goddess Cecily didn’t feel as real to me. Too bad. So sad. I would just go method, and fake it until I could make it. There didn’t seem to be any other choice.
Two quotes came to mind. Moliere’s ‘The greater the obstacle, the more glory in overcoming it.’ I was my obstacle. The Demons who I needed to accept me were my obstacle. Pandora was my biggest obstacle. I would overcome them all.
