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“Trying,” I muttered, still staring at the unbelievable gathering on my porch.
The sun could have exploded and I wouldn’t have noticed. The picture in front of me was one I’d longed for my entire life. It was much different than the image I’d imagined as a child, but no less gorgeous.
I’d pictured myself as a little girl, standing between them. Protected by them. Loved by them. That was then. This was now. I was loved, but I was basically on my own for protection. The thought was too much to handle without losing my mind. Pushing the stark reality away, I focused on the scene in front of me.
It felt like a surreal movie.
It wasn’t. There was no question in my mind if it was actually her. I knew the woman at a bone-deep level even though I’d barely spent any time with her. I couldn’t help but feel it had all come too late. That was incredibly selfish. I knew it, but letting the thought go wasn’t easy. Analyzing was a waste of time I wasn’t sure I had. Forcing myself to stay in the moment, I tried to memorize what I was seeing. The thought that it could disappear in an instant terrified me.
Man-mom’s smile was so wide it almost made my cheeks hurt for him. To his right stood my brother, Sean. My nutty—and probably high—sibling’s smile was a bit perplexed but was as wide as our father’s. Dead Uncle Joe, in all his ghostly, naked and wrinkled glory, floated in the air above Sean, giggling like a fool. His hands were clasped tightly and he quivered with excitement. Unfortunately, hisentirebody quivered. While it was alarming to notice my beloved relative’s junk jiggling, I was able to ignore it. While bouncing ghost bits were kind of difficult to disregard, I did it. I was successful because there was something stunningly beautiful to look at.
On Man-mom’s left stood the woman. The very same woman who I’d held dead in my arms only moments ago. She looked very different. She was no longer covered in smeared blood. She was no longer lifeless. She didn’t look forty years old anymore. The woman was no less ravishing. Lilith appeared to be around sixty-five years old—the same age as my dad. The lines around her eyes when she smiled brought tears to mine.
Tears of complete joy.
“Mom?” I whispered through a choked sob. Something held me back from running to her. Possibly fear that I was imagining everything and if I took a step forward reality would rear its ugly head.
She nodded and winked. “I’ve come home, Cecily,” she answered. “This time I’m here to stay.”
Squinting my eyes, I gasped.
Lilith was no longer a Demon—or at least notallDemon. She appeared mostly human with the slightest of Immortal glow around her that was quickly fading. Again, the truth smacked me like a ton of cinder blocks. Lilith was not the Demon Goddess of the Darkness anymore…
I was.
Shit.
Or… maybe not.
“How?” I asked as I slowly approached, still scared that she would disappear.
Lilith shrugged and shook her head. Her amazement was as obvious as mine.
Ophelia stepped forward. She bowed to me then to Lilith. “As the legend goes, if a Goddess loses her Immortality, she becomes human.”
Corny Crackers joined Ophelia. “Yes, yes! Granted, it’s not happened until now, but the Tome of Dark Magic prophesized it millions of years ago. Lilith is now a human! And Cecily is the new Goddess of the Darkness along with the shitty whore, Pandora. All hail the Bitch Goddess Cecily!” Corny Crackers shouted as he dropped to his knees in front of me.
Ophelia and her double D rack that she’d paid good money for spun around and punched Corny in the head. “What the actual F did you just call her?”
Fifi, my six feet tall self-proclaimed Succubus bodyguard, pulled grenades from her pockets and aimed them at Corny. She was gorgeous, intimidating and had a resting bitch face like none I’d ever witnessed. My bodyguard also offered to bang my enemies to death on the regular. That was never going to happen. And watching Corny get his head blown off by a grenade wasn’t going to happen either.
To make matters more dangerous, Stella had removed her shirt and was boobs to the wind. Normally, that would just be considered really bad manners to disrobe in public. Crappy manners aside, Stella’s knockers were weapons. They shot bullets. Irma Stoutwagon looked ready for a smackdown, and Moon Sunny Swartz was doing pushups. Jonny had gone invisible. The scent of rotten eggs was the giveaway. I had no clue where he was and that was not a good thing.
Sushi, the ten-thousand-year-old Succubi Queen and award-winning costumer to the stars, wasn’t pleased with the scene playing out and exposed her five inch pointed fangs that I was unaware she possessed.
Abaddon began to glow and growl. Dagon had pulled a vicious looking sword. And my agent, Cher was lining her lips with a green eye pencil like her life depended on it.
Shit had gone south.
“Nope, nope, nope,” I yelled, getting between Fifi and the end of Corny while pulling on my newly found magic and producing two purple fire swords. Thankfully, the flaming blades made them pause. “Everyone, stand down or you’re going to lose a body part. I am not f-ing around.”
Ophelia tossed her blonde curls and threw her hands in the air. “But that prolapsed anus just called you a bitch.”
I rolled my eyes and shook my head. “You call me a bitch all the time,” I reminded her.
“Yesssss,” she hissed. “That’s my loving fucking nickname for you.”
I transferred the fire sword in my left hand over to my right so I had a free hand to press the bridge of my nose. I was dealing with idiots. Most of them were actors or wanna-be actors. I’d treat this like a show… or a shitshow to be more accurate.
