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Chapter Twenty-Eight
LILY
“Can you believe that crap? That I haven’t dealt with the past? That’s what he said.”
It’s nearly ten hours after my fight with Max in the hotel suite in Austin. I’m now in Las Vegas, sitting at the hotel bar with Anh. In exactly half an hour I’m supposed to meet Rob, the beer guy, at the steakhouse in this hotel, but I figured a pre-game cocktail with a friend would help calm me down. She brought me up to speed on the gossip involving the grid models, and then I unloaded on her about my earlier fight with Max.
“You’re pretty worked up about this.” Anh sips her gin and tonic. “And you know I’m on your side, but, is he wrong?”
“We had a night of incredible sex and laughs and he . . . imploded. We were cuddling, we ordered room service and then bam! We were fighting.” I’ve been fuming about this all day. Part of me expected him to text or call, but since he hasn’t, I’m even more baffled. “If he was so angry with me why did he sleep with me?”
“You want my opinion?”
“Lay it on me.” I take a bracing gulp from my glass of Cabernet.
“You were his first love and you broke his heart. Simple as that. He can’t resist you, which is why you to ended up in the sack together. But he knows he still has feelings for you, and that frustrates him. He can’t control what you do, or his feelings. In men, frustration reveals itself as anger.”
“Hmph.” I wad up the cocktail napkin.
“How did you two leave it?”
“Dunno. He left, I barely ate breakfast, then I had to catch my flight to come here. I saw a team email saying that he and Lucas were going mountain biking in Utah today or tomorrow.” It wasn’t uncommon for drivers and their trainers to do something physical at the beginning of the week prior to the race.
“You need to have a serious, adult conversation with him. You’re not in your early twenties anymore. This isn’t the first rodeo for either of you. He’s slept around, you’ve slept around—”
“Not like he has,” I grumble.
“Whatever. You haven’t been celibate since the two of you broke up. If you both care for each other, then why not make a go of it? What’s holding you back?” Anh always asks the direct, important questions. The ones that are hardest to answer.
“My father’s health, for starters. I don’t want to upset him.”
“That’s understandable, but only temporary. You’re not taking over this team forever, and Max won’t be a driver forever. He’s probably starting to think of his post-racing life, since he’s about that age when most drivers do. He’s won the championship. And you, what do you want?”
“Stability. A life out of the public eye.”
She presses her pink lips together and rolls her eyes. “Look, you won the birth lottery in so many ways. But when it comes to the press, you might have to put on your big girl panties and deal with it. There are worse things in life. And you have the resources to hire people as buffers, you know. Maybe he wants a life out of the public eye as well. Have you asked him?”
I’ve barely had time to ask myself difficult questions. Everything seems like a whirlwind since Papa’s heart attack. “I managed to live a low-key life when I was at the game company.”
“Until you didn’t. And I totally support what you did because sexual harassers deserve to rot in hell. You need to be realistic. I’d hate for you to miss out on the love of your life again because you don’t want to deal with some reporters. Don’t let perfect be the enemy of amazing.”
Damn. Now I feel like crap. Should I apologize to Max? “When you put it that way, it does seem silly. And I think the saying is, don’t let perfect be the enemy of good.”
“But what you have with Max isn’t good. It’s pretty damned great. It might not be perfect, but nothing is. Think about it.” She drains her drink. “I have to get in the car so I can pick Bryce up at the airport, then we’re headed to a party. And you have your sponsor dinner.”
“That I do.”Gah. This is the last thing I want to do right now. I stand up and she holds out her arms.
“Okay, a quick hug.” I laugh. While I’m not a fan of hugs, I can tolerate them briefly with a select few people. Anh is one. I wrap one arm awkwardly around her shoulders. She always smells like expensive perfume, and I have to stand on my tiptoes to embrace her properly.
She embraces me with both arms for a millisecond and she laughs. “See? You’re getting better. You can do this! We’ll talk tomorrow.”
I wave and grab my wine glass. It’s time for me to meet Rob at the steakhouse, but all I want to do is hole up in my room and text Max. He’s probably in Utah at some lodge, recovering from a punishing mountain bike ride. Or chatting up a sexy hiker woman. Even though I’m not normally a jealous person, the idea of this puts me into a funk.
I make my way to the maitre’d. Rob is already standing there, and grins when he sees me.
He’s dressed in an upscale, business casual way, with a button-down shirt, nice jeans, and a dark blue sweater draped over his shoulders and knotted in front. My guess is that he readsGQfor fashion tips, which isn’t a bad thing. I’ve had enough of tech bros and their sloppy clothes.
“Lily, hey,” he says, opening his arms.
