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I press my forehead against the cool glass as thunder rumbles in the distance, and glance down at my stomach and think of the life growing inside me. A constant reminder of the decision I have to make—to tell Nikolai the truth or to keep my secret, protecting myself, my baby, and my father. Yet each one continues to pull me in another fundamentally opposing direction. Each one demands me to be loyal to them and them only.
Guilt gnaws at my conscience. I should’ve considered the consequences before sleeping with him again. I scoff at my own lack of self-control. Secrets and lies brought us together. And love—or what I think is love—has blinded me to danger.
The shadows in the room grow darker as I crawl into bed to keep warm. Hot and bitter anger burns a path through my body as I finally admit that I don’t have a plan.
Why didn’t Gunsyn or Alexander tell Nikolai I was pregnant? And why did Larissa mean when they say what they can dowithouthim?
I stare at the phone on the dresser and wonder if I should risk it.
So far, all my decisions have ended badly.
But maybe not this one.
68
EDEN
There’s a fast knock,and then the door opens cautiously. Nikolai’s strong figure frames the doorway before he steps into my bedroom. Shadows play over his striking features as our eyes lock, and I feel an unwanted pull toward him. His green eyes hold me in place, making it impossible to turn away. His intensity both captivates me and makes me uneasy at the same time.
“Eden, I want to talk.” His voice shivers across my skin.
“About what?” I ask innocently, but I know exactly what this is about. Larissa didn’t keep her promise. She must have told him my secret.
Nikolai comes closer but avoids returning my gaze before tossing himself in a chair. “The wedding.”
I swallow, and he notices, but I play it off quickly like there’s something in my throat. “Is there still going to be one?” I ask.
Nikolai’s gaze pierces me. “Yes.” His firm voice warns me not to question him again. But I don’t heed the warning.
“I don’t want to be a part of your farce. You’re willing to protect me, Nikolai, but not my father.” I confront him head-on, stepping into his personal space. “No matter his crimes against you and the Bratva, he’s still my father, Nikolai. And I love him.”
Nikolai flinches when I utter the wordlove. He loves his family deeply but can’t comprehend anyone else being the same way.
“I can’t betray my family or my position as pakhan,” he says those same bitter words that I’m so tired of hearing. “It’s complicated.”
“Is it?” I scoff bitterly. “It doesn’t seem that complicated to me.”
“Eden, it’s not like that …” he starts, but I cut him off.
“What makes me so different from him? To the Bratva, I’m a traitor too, just like him. You’ve said so yourself.”
Nikolai’s harsh gaze never leaves my demanding one. But I won’t back down when I know I’m right. I’m determined to make Nikolai justify his hypocrisy.
For a moment, uncertainty flashes across his face before his expression hardens once more. “Eden, you’re no traitor,” he insists. “You’re not like your father.”
My voice cracks as my resolve to be tough starts to weaken. “Then why won’t you let me plead for my father’s life?”
A controlling silence hangs in the air as Nikolai searches for the right response. But deep down, we both know there’s no compromise. A slow minute passes, but no words come from his mouth, leaving me overwhelmed by disappointment.
“Eden, I …” he begins.
“No,” I snap, and my anger reignites my determination. “Your family killed my mother. And my family killed your brother. All this bloodshed, for what? Where does it end?”
“Eden, I understand how you feel—” he tries again, but I cut him off.
“Do you?” My voice snaps like a whip as I turn my back on him. “You won’t be satisfied until my father is dead. And when my father is dead, what will stop your brigadiers from killing me now that I’m no use to them?”
“It won’t happen!” Nikolai roars as he stands and grips me, turning me around. “I’m a man of my word, Eden.”
