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Finally, she looks away.
“I should hate you because of what you do,” she says. “But I worry about you too. Because I can tell that you’re not that person deep inside.” She turns around. “Did they turn you into that person?”
I swim into the deep end, allowing my body to sink into the water. The water presses against my ears, blocking out sound as a feeling of loss takes me over. I lack anyone to turn to, not even Larissa. I’ve never felt more alone than I do right now. The water gives me solace as bubbles escape my mouth to the surface, and I let the tranquility of the moment soothe me.
I’m so close when a hand wraps around mine and pulls me upward. Eden guides me to the pool’s edge and I grab onto the ledge, gasping for breath. As I look up, Eden meets my gaze, her eyes clouded with worry.
Despite the tangible tension between us, an undeniable connection lingers, pulling us together even when we try to push each other away. Eden looks expectant, waiting for me to say something, to explain what I was trying to accomplish.
“You had a controlling father too,” I tell her. “We’re not that different. Would you go running back?”
She flinches at my words and tries to swim away, but I don’t let her. My legs trap hers like a vise, and she splashes in the water. Her body wriggles against mine, warm and inviting, but I keep myself in check. Right now, I just want to talk.
“Tell me the truth,” I whisper.
Eden’s gaze softens, and she seems to deflate, her shoulders slumping. “You took me because you needed me,” she admits quietly. “And I stay because I’m too afraid to leave.”
I nod at her honesty. “You shouldn’t be afraid of me …”
“It’s not you.” Eden shakes her head. “I’m afraid of the future. Right now, you control it.” She stares at the dark night behind the glass. “And I know I am being selfish. I know that if you don’t come home …”
I pull her into my arms, cutting off her confession. She turns to me, her large hazel eyes shifting colors in the dim light. “You don’t have to be a killer, Nikolai,” she says softly, looking into my eyes.
My hand tightens on her arm. “It’s my responsibility.”
“No, you want to do it,” she says. “One day, you’re not going to switch back.”
The atmosphere between us is tense and oppressive, like a blinding fog that won’t disappear. I feel the unease radiating off Eden, yet she remains close. She wraps her arms around my shoulders as the water floats us away from the edge. Our legs are still entwined and she holds onto me, trusting I won’t let her go. Eden could swim away, but she lets me hold her instead.
“What happened tonight?” Her voice is gentle yet insistent. “I want to understand.”
“Eden,” I warn. “You don’t.”
“We’re going to be married, aren’t we?” she asks. “Don’t you think I deserve to understand? To share your burdens?” She pauses. “And if my father is a traitor, won’t you want me to understand why it might be necessary for you to …”
She can’t finish the words, but I’m shocked that she has even allowed them to take shape. And in that moment, with her settling so perfectly in my lap in the water, I allow myself to believe her.
I gaze into her eyes and wonder how long the innocence will remain after she learns the facts. How the Bratva operates apart from accepted society.
The truth is like a bitter poison on my tongue, but it needs to be said.
“We’re nothing like the people you know, Eden,” I tell her. “The Bratva is a society that exists beyond what ordinary people comprehend. We have our own rules and laws based on a hierarchy of power that protects all our members. Pakhans succeed so our families thrive—no matter the cost. Outsiders might consider us criminals, but we’re not concerned with their judgment. Our only concern is the survival of our legacies.”
I wait for a reaction, but nothing is in her solemn countenance.
“I must be ruthless if I am to lead my Bratva.” My words are quiet. “There is too much danger and too many people looking to take me down. There are worse monsters out there than me. And I can’t lose any more people close to me.”
“Is that what you really believe?” she asks. “That you’re the best of the worst? That’s not the truth, is it? You want to be pakhan because it allows you to do these terrible things.” She takes a deep breath before she continues. “Dad had the same look in his eyes whenever he talked about Mom. I thought he was still angry over her death. But it’s not anger, is it?”
My heart clenches at her words because they’re true. I don’t want to relish in anger.
I want revenge.
“Eden, I—” I start, but she places a finger gently on my lips, silencing me.
“Just think on it, Nikolai,” she insists. “I know I can’t convince you otherwise.”
I nod, unable to find the words to respond. Her arms slip from my shoulders, leaving an emptiness as she floats away. I know the answer in my heart, but saying it feels like an insurmountable labor to confess.
