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‘You walked away from someone your whole family loved, unprepared, because it didn’t feel right. You jumped on a train and helped people with a National Front flag hanging in front of their house. You visited someone you didn’t know in hospital, even though you’d heard some horrific stories about them. You challenged me about seeing my mother for what I didn’t know was going to be the last time. You confronted Louisa and stood up for Jack when no one else did. You’re probably the most courageous person I know, Aari.’
It is the first time Caleb has called me Aari. I like it. He deserves to. He is my friend.
‘Some would call it stupidity.’ I try to dispel some of the intensity around his words with laughter.
‘You’re not stupid. You’re pretty amazing.’
I don’t know how to respond. Receiving compliments graciously is not my forte.
‘Okay.’ I roll my eyes.
‘Please promise me you won’t go back to Jasper until you find who you are and you’re absolutely certain that Jasper is the one you want.’ Caleb is serious.
‘If this is about the rent, I’ll pay up…’ I laugh.
‘This isn’t about the bloody rent, Aari!’ Caleb snaps.
‘Caleb? What’s up?’ Concerned, I reach out for his arm.
‘Nothing.’ He steps away from the cheese and toast ingredients on the island. ‘Maybe going to bed is a good idea.’
He starts to walk off, so I pull him back.
‘Caleb, I don’t want to fight with you.’
‘Then let Jasper go. You were unhappy, he kept you caged and you lost yourself. Why can’t you see that?’
‘I’m trying.’
I don’t expect a tear to roll down my cheek. I wipe it away quickly, but Caleb has spotted it.
‘Don’t cry, Aari.’
He wipes a second tear with his thumb, running it down my face and across my bottom lip. Something in my tummy lurches. Caleb steps back and I reach for his hand.
‘Don’t go.’ I’m startled at my own words.
‘I need you to let go of me, Aari,’ he asks softly.
‘Wait…’
‘I’m going to kiss you if you don’t.’ He is serious.
‘I’m not totally opposed to the idea of kissing you.’ It may be the cocktails and gin, but I feel bold. The idea hadn’t occurred to me, but it strangely makes sense. I trust Caleb. Also, this won’t mean anything to him. We’ll be able to move on. He’ll make fun of it from time to time, but he’ll be kind because he knows why I need to do this.
I pull a surprised-looking Caleb closer by the neck of his white T-shirt. I know he will be gentle with me.
‘Let’s do it,’ I suggest.
‘No. I’m not doing anything with you,’ he argues weakly, looking at me like I have gone mad.
‘Let’s kiss and get it over with. You’ll probably really hate it.’
I pull his T-shirt the rest of the way, close my eyes and kiss Caleb. Caleb kisses me back with some resistance, initially, until we slowly settle into a rhythm. The kiss slowly increases in intensity until it feels like we are consuming each other. I breathe in every breath he exhales as he somehow finds ways to bring our bodies closer.
Caleb’s kiss goes straight up my neck and down to my groin, making my body a jumble of nerve endings. The kiss is lustful, tender and urgent all at the same time. His hands pin mine down to the cold surface of the island, in stark contrast to the heat my body is feeling. When Caleb pulls away, I feel like we have started something that perhaps can’t be stopped. Caleb moves his lips and trails sensual kisses from the side of my mouth, across my cheek, and settles on my neck.
‘Ask me to stop, Aari,’ he whispers, kissing my neck so intensely I feel a pull between my legs, getting more urgent.
