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‘I explained that I have much more in common with you than he does. I don’t know what’s going on with both of you, but he’s not good enough for you and he isn’t going to stick around once he finds out that he has zero chance of bedding you. Look how quickly he went off Katherine for turning him down.’
‘No.Heturnedherdown. Caleb’s no angel, but she was drunk and he’s not a rapist.’
‘Even so. He didn’t stick around, did he?’
‘Actually, he did. Until morning, on the couch. To make sure she was okay.’
‘Do you love him? Please, Scraps, I can handle anyone else. Just not him. Please.’
‘Haven’t you heard a word I’ve said? I’m still in love with you. You still own me. Here.’ I stab my chest with my finger. ‘I just wish you hadn’t played the class card.’
‘What?’
‘Jasper, come on. We’re more similar than Caleb and I are? What else could you have meant?’
‘I meant our values.’
‘Do you know anything about Caleb’s values?’
He looks away. I whip out my phone and dial his number. It goes straight to voicemail. I leave a message.
‘Caleb, I’m sorry. Jasper’s not the classist ignoramus he just pretended to be. Call me please?’ I say, hanging up.
‘Ariella, that’s ridiculous.’
‘Is it? The more time I spend away from you, Jas, the more I realise that we’re quite different people, and I have so much to learn. I’ve met people about to disprove one of Einstein’s theories who’ve walked me through East London telling me its history, and got me into Korean food. I’m changing and I can feel it. I don’t always come home in a straight line. I’m not as scared as I used to be of everything and am learning so much more about myself.’
‘Would you like me to wait for you?’ he asks solemnly.
‘I don’t think you should. I deeply regret treating you so appallingly and I’ll never be able to apologise enough. I hate myself for doing that to you. All you did was love me and I threw it back in your face. I’m so sorry, but we have to let each other go. I’m sorry.’
‘I can’t, Aari, you’re the centre of everything I am.’ His voice cracks.
‘And I feel the same about you; but you know who you are. I have no idea who I am.’
‘Please, Scrappy. Just come back to me,’ he whispers, and he lifts my head to kiss me.
I don’t pull away; in fact, I lean in and surrender to my heart. Kissing Jasper is home. It’s safe, secure, enveloping and warm. I kiss Jasper and, with no doubt in my mind, I know this is what love feels like.
I pull away. It’s not fair to either of us.
‘Jas, I can’t.’
He nods, resigned, and we hold on to each other silently for a few more minutes.
‘It’s getting late. Can I give you a ride back to Hampstead?’ he asks finally, kissing my forehead.
Mommy and Daddy, who have clearly been eavesdropping, descend the stairs to say goodbye. They hold on to Jas and me so tightly, I am reminded everyone caught in the middle of this is hurting too.
When I’ve strapped on my seatbelt in the car, Jasper looks at me with uncertainty and opens his palm. I put my palm on top of his and he transfers both our hands onto the gearstick, with his hand covering mine, like he always did when we went anywhere in the car together. We shift into first gear and our hands stay together, shifting and staying on the gearstick all the way to Hampstead. Neither of us utters a word until we get there.
‘Thank you, Jasper,’ I say as we pull up.
‘Goodnight, Aari. I love you.’
‘Goodnight. I love you too, Jasper.’
‘Come here.’
