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‘Like you’ve said to every single female that has wandered across your path unassumingly up till now?’ Jack chuckles.
I watch the street lights illuminate her face one by one as we head back to North London in the cab, and I feel uneasy. Ariella’s admission felt good, but was soul-destroying at the same time. She stood up to take my punches by placing herself in the firing line, which thrilled me; but was it really just about the sex? Is that all it’s ever going to be?
THIRTY-ONE
ARIELLA
‘Drink?’ I ask when we get home.
‘Whisky,’ he responds sharply.
‘I was thinking more coffee for you and tea for me, but I’ll join you.’
He looks at me quizzically for a couple of seconds, then just grunts and shrugs. He grabs two glasses, fills them both with whisky and slides one over the counter to me as he throws the contents of his glass down his throat. He is refilling his glass before I take my first sip. I’ve seen this Caleb before and I know what is coming. I try to get ahead of it.
‘I’m sorry you were attacked tonight, Caleb. You didn’t deserve it.’ I reach out to rub his back, but he shifts away to get more whisky.
‘Did you mean it?’ he whispers.
‘Mean what?’
‘Forget it,’ he says through clenched teeth. He tosses his third whisky back, slams the glass down and turns to his room.
‘Did I miss something? I’m confused.’
‘You seem to miss plenty of things, Ariella,’ he says dismissively.
‘What are you talking about?’
‘You really pissed me off tonight, Aari,’ he states softly, looking down at the floor. ‘I get what you were trying to do, but for you to laugh when they called me emotionally desolate and devoid of feeling was just…gutting.’
‘Caleb, you brag about your superhero-like ability to remain emotionally detached. You challenged me to ask any of the girls who stride through here, for goodness’ sake.’
‘And when was the last time you saw any girls stride through here?’ he challenges, looking squarely at me.
‘I know it’s been a while…’
‘And yet, for you, nothing has changed.’ I hear Caleb try to control the volume of his voice.
‘I don’t understand.’
He takes two steps towards me before planting his feet.
‘And another thing, you’ve never been my plaything, Ariella. Ever. I, on the other hand, am yours. You’ve always called the shots.’
It hits me all at once. That first night, I kissed him, then invited myself back to his room. I initiated things again that night after our shower. The next morning, he made me breakfast and kicked me out. Although he came to find me a few minutes after that, I had been the one to jump on him again. I’d climbed all over him after yoga. He put a stop to our kiss and ejected me from his room. I straddled him when he helped me with my foot. Even after the smoke alarm, after I’d asked to stay over, he’d brought us dinner and I’d pulled him right back into bed. I’ve been the initiator this entire time.
‘I’m sorry, Caleb.’ I feel predatory, even though Caleb was hardly pushing me away.
He sighs and hangs his head for a couple of seconds, before reaching out to pull me into him.
‘Don’t do it again. I’m fragile.’ He smiles, letting me know our disagreement is over.
A feeling of immense relief floods through me.
I wake up early the next morning to find Caleb contorted around me, still dressed in last night’s clothes, holding me tight, with his breath softly hitting the back of my neck. I feel happy, even as I start to replay last night’s row in my head. I’m not a fighter. Caleb dragged the fight out of me last night and I did not enjoy it at all. Hopefully this will be the last time…
‘Stop fidgeting, Ariella.’ Caleb’s groggy voice comes through as he kisses the back of my neck softly and shifts around me, making himself comfortable.
