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‘Save it. I know what’s coming. I’ve given this speech a million times.’
‘Caleb, I can’t live here if you don’t let me try to work this out, so please let me say what I have to say.’
He walks to the couch and sits. I approach cautiously and join him.
‘Okay. Talk.’
‘When I first moved in, I couldn’t imagine a day when we could become friends, but we have; and being friends with you has been instrumental in redefining a lot of things for me. Home used to be a place where I happily shut myself away, but with you here it’s a place where I feel safe to open up. I definitely make more dangerous and challenging decisions with you around.’ I smile at him. He returns a small one.
‘I really look forward to being home with you. It doesn’t matter if you’re being silly, or you’re annoyed, or you’re tired – even if we’re just on the couch watching TV. After I kissed you, I didn’t think I’d care if you started seeing other people again. I thought we’d just end this and you could simply carry on, but that may have changed a little bit. I like waking up next to you and thinking of you waking up next to someone else hurts a little.
‘I don’t know what I’m trying to say, Caleb, but please will you forgive me and tell me you’re not mad at me any more?’
Caleb bites a corner of his bottom lip as his eyebrows furrow, before he shakes his head.
‘No. I think you know what you’re trying to say, but you’re afraid to say it.’ He fixes me with an unforgiving stare and continues. ‘I’m not going to let you sidestep it. I want you to tell me why the thought of me waking up next to someone else hurts.’
‘I think of you as more than a friend.’ I exhale.
‘Do better.’ Caleb sits back and re-folds his arms.
I clear my throat and avert my eyes. ‘I think I’ve fallen for you.’
I feel a tear roll down my cheek, and then Caleb’s palm on my face as he tilts my head so that my eyes meet his. He pulls me into a hug and I fit perfectly into him. I lie there quietly in his arms, listening to his heartbeat while we rise and fall with his breath.
‘Should we select a picture and start drafting my missing person’s flyer, for when we tell your dad?’
We both start laughing. It’s nice to do that together again.
‘Is that what happens now?’ I ask, and Caleb erupts again.
‘Ariella, don’t freak out. Nothing happens now. I’m just happy that I’m not alone in this. I was a little nervous that it was just me.’
I lift my head and move up slowly to put my lips onto his. Caleb responds carefully, taking his time. It feels different. Kissing Caleb has always been exciting, but this feels somehow whole. I climb on to his lap to sit on his legs, and, as our kiss deepens, I pull him closer. He keeps his hands firmly on my waist and, when I realise they aren’t going anywhere, I make the first move and start to tug on his T-shirt. He stops my hands.
‘No, Aari.’
‘No?’ I repeat, disappointed.
‘No. We know something’s going on here, but I think we should give it some time before we jump in. Too many people are going to be hurt at your end of things. Your dad will kill me. I think Dahlia will be all right. Zachary probably wouldn’t care, but Jasper…’ Caleb shuts his eyes and lets his head drop back with a heavy sigh. ‘This is going to destroy Jasper. I know I’ve been a bit adversarial, but I actually like the guy. He’s uptight, but he’s just trying to get his girlfriend back.’
Caleb lifts me off him. I am not happy about it.
‘Stop sulking. If we are doing this, we should do this properly, which means I need to tell him. He can’t hear it from anywhere else.’
‘I’ll tell Jasper,’ I say. It can’t come from Caleb.
‘Let’s tell him together. I don’t know how he’ll react.’
‘I need to tell him alone. He won’t appreciate the audience.’
‘Understood, but we don’t need to rush this. I leave for Singapore tomorrow. Maybe we should use the time apart to make sure we’re not just high off the fumes of last week? We can make some solid decisions when I get back. In the meantime, let’s keep things as they are?’
He strokes my face gently.
‘I’m a little sad you’re going away tomorrow.’
‘Yeah. It’s going to suck.’ Caleb sighs. Then he lifts my hand, presses my palm against his mouth and sighs heavily into it. We just sit there for a while in silence, listening to each other breathe.
