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‘Ma.’ The word feels unfamiliar.
‘Caleb?’ A small smile spreads across her face. ‘I’m so glad you came. I met your friend yesterday…I forget her name.’
‘Ariella.’
‘Yes. She kept calling me MrsBlack. I kept explaining that MrsBlack was my bitch of a mother-in-law.’ She laughs weakly. Even in hospital she still has space for hatred. I ignore her. I don’t want to pick a fight right now.
‘This isn’t just a stroke, is it?’
She shakes her head slowly. ‘No, it’s not, but I don’t want to talk about that yet. Your friend said she lost her phone. Did she find it, and was anything else missing?’ she asks knowingly.
‘Yes, we found it, along with one of her credit cards.’
‘Those little rats.’
‘Yup.’
Our eyes meet and we burst out laughing together for the very first time in my life.
‘I’m sorry, Caleb.’
It hits me like a punch in the chest. ‘Now isn’t the time,’ I respond, searching for anger that I can’t find.
‘Now is exactly the time. Sit down.’
She pats the bed and shifts over painfully. I stand where I am.
‘I’m sorry. I made every mistake I could ever have made with you. I was meant to protect, nurture and love you. As you can see, I was successful.’ She smiles sadly before she continues. ‘It’s no excuse, but I knew I wouldn’t have to worry about you.’
My eyes moisten. ‘Why didn’t you need to worry?’
‘You’ve always been a fighter.’
‘And you know this how?’
She starts to cry and reaches out for my hand. I move both of them into my pockets.
‘You made me responsible for the family as a child because you knew I’d be okay?’
‘Tell me what I need to do to make things right.’
‘I shouldn’t have to.’ I finally sit down in the chair next to her bed; but not before I make sure it is out of her reach.
‘I’m happy you’ve found such a lovely girl. She’s very beautiful, and kind too. You know she stayed with me all night listening and fell asleep in that very chair.’
‘I haven’t found anything. She’s my flatmate and a soft touch, you got lucky.’
‘You’re not together?’
‘No. Decent human beings actually exist. Good luck with your health. Don’t catch anything you didn’t come in with.’ I get up and turn to leave.
‘No. Please. Wait. I’m scared this’ll be the only chance I’ll have to say I’m sorry.’
Against my better judgement, I sit down; and stay there all day and evening, talking to the woman I’ve hated for so many years. Crying. Releasing my anger. Feeling sorry for her, but never quite reaching the edges of forgiveness. I don’t return to Ariella’s hotel room until 11p.m., and she is fast asleep. I am so exhausted that I get into bed with her and, for the first time in years, I don’t wake up until after noon. She is up and dressed, working on her laptop at the small desk in the room.
‘I extended our stay so you could sleep. We can go back to London today or stay. It’s up to you.’
‘I want to go back home.’ My eyes hurt, my head feels heavy and I have the effects of a stinking hangover without the pleasures of the night before.
