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LASTA
Ihave never known days as long as these. My body and mind are riddled with symptoms of withdrawal from Krista, and it has only been one day since I broke things off with her.
I mull over my thoughts as I sort mindlessly through files. Whenever I’m not delving deep into the inner recesses of my mind, I’m hollering out criticisms left, right, and center, both at the smiths and soldiers, usually over the littlest thing.
But I can’t stop myself from being an asshole, I’m far too heartbroken and shattered on the inside that I have to take it out on someone. Otherwise, I’ll take it out on myself.
As a result, everyone is obeying my every whim, no one daring to question my orders. Part of me feels like I’m back to being my regular self, a man of honor and worthy of being admired by the men under me.
While I may have everyone’s respect, I have none for myself.
“How could I have let you go, Krista?”
You know the reason why,says the voice of rationality inside my head.You broke her heart and yours in order to keep Lodra safe, and by extension, her. That’s what all of this is about.
Yet it’s not enough to keep Krista’s voice out of my mind. I recall her words of accusation, labeling me as a coward. I can’t help but ask myself if she’s right.
A real man would fight for his woman, not stopping at any given obstacle to make things work. But only if he truly deserved her.
“I guess I don’t deserve her after all.”
“Lasta!”
I spin around, my heart pumping as I anticipate seeing her standing there before me. Disappointment plunges through me like a sword when I see it is only a lowly soldier.
“That’s Captain Lasta to you!” I shout. “What do you want?”
“My deepest apologies, sir! I’m looking for orders.”
“Go polish the shields. I want to be able to see my own damn reflection when I look at them later on. If I don’t, then I’ll flay you myself! Got it?”
“Yes, sir!”
The soldier scurries off. Hope had come and played me like a fool.
When lunchtime arrives, my first instinct is to find a servant and order Krista some food, but it’s going to take a whole lot of getting used to before I break out of that habit.
I retreat to a quiet area behind the castle where I can be by my lonesome. I’m all cried out, having been up the whole night lamenting over her departure, so I have no more tears to shed.
At least no one can see me in an emotional state.
But someone calls to me from around the corner, bringing my break to an end.
“Captain Lasta? Are you around?” calls a messenger.
“I’m over here,” I yell, waving to the man.
“Ah, very good. Your presence has been requested by –”
“Let me guess, Selliss?” I say bitterly.
“Well, no. Lorelai wishes to see you inside the palace.”
“Lorelai? What could she possibly want?”
“The purpose of her requested meeting with you was not disclosed to me.”
After break, I head into the castle where I’m greeted by a servant who escorts me to the meeting room. I step inside a luxurious lounge, decorated with vases and furniture of a materialist’s eye. Hung on the walls are paintings depicting the palace through each century, but none of this catches my attention.
