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I walk to the rear of the lounge, keen to put my mind at ease with the amazing view of the gardens provided by the windows.
My eyes wander the gardens, coming to land on the Prince’s children as they are pushed in two big strollers four across by two nannies. My heart goes out to them, hoping they hold onto their innocence as long as this world lets them.
Mine has long been lost, and there is no hope of ever getting it back. That’s when the only woman who can make things better appears in the gardens from around a bush, laughing as she plays peek-a-boo with the children.
Krista.
At the sight of her, every part of me wishes to head down there. I know better than to mock the heart of the woman I broke by appearing in front of her, though.
I continue spectating as she plays with the children, becoming enamored by her ability to connect so openly with them. She opens a bag of what appears to be snacks, and shares it with them all.
“You will make a great mother,” I say aloud as if she will hear me from all the way up here.
I envision a life with her, living in a cottage far, far away from this all. We’d be living together in complete harmony as she grows my eggs inside of her, eventually raising our own young.
That’s the way things should have worked out between you and I. Alas, such a possibility is gone, out of reach forever, but it has to be this way.
Krista gathers the children’s supplies and disappears inside the castle, following the two nannies with strollers. I wonder if I will ever be lucky enough to see her again. That’s when it hits me.
“No… Fuck doing this for the greater good. How good can things really be if I’m to live out the rest of my life in utter misery? That’s no way to exist. What is good about caving to the demands of spoiled Nagaland citizens instead of demanding change?”
I lay a hand on the window, longing for the sensation of her touch more than ever before.
“I fucked up, Krista. Letting you go is the worst mistake I have ever made in my life.”
As my hand slides down the window, I wonder if there’s a way I can attempt to make amends, to get her back into my life, or if I can even find the strength to do such a thing.
I hurt the human woman badly, this I’m well aware of. I ripped her heart out and threw it to the cold, hard ground, and stomped on it until it was nothing but a bloodied and teary mess. I ignored my fears at the very beginning of our relationship, and they’ve all come true. I’m not sure what I’ve achieved by exposing her to such unbearable pain.
“Have I caught you at a bad time?”
I spin around to see Lorelai standing by the open doorway.
“No, not at all,” I tell her with a smile.
“Please, take a seat.”
Servants rush into the room, pouring us some tea before making a swift exit. I settle down beside Lorelai, staring at the failure that is my reflection in the cup.
“I can sense something is wrong, Lasta. Please share it with me.”
“Well.” I sigh. “There’s just so much going on surrounding the talk of war right now that it has me worried for Lodra’s future. I’m sure you know of the ancient war all those years ago. The last thing we need is a repeat of it.”
“Captain Lasta, you’re good at many things,” marvels Lorelai. “But lying is not one of them.”
Well, shit.
“It’s Krista who is on your mind, am I right?”
No use in hiding it anymore, I suppose.
“Yeah,” I answer. “How did you know?”
“Well, she is partly why I summoned you here today. Krista’s new role has her looking out for the kids. I’ve seen her quite a lot lately, as such, and the bandages on her arms are rather concerning.”
“What?” I gasp. “She’s self-harming again then…”
“So it seems. She’s often wearing a long-sleeved top so no one else sees it, but I’ve caught enough glimpses to get the picture. I heard of you two parting ways. I’m sure you had your reasons, and I am not here to place the blame on you, but I’m worried for Krista. If she keeps doing this, she’ll die.”
