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A deep shame fills my core, realizing more than ever just how much damage I have wrought. I knew how precarious Krista was, even before I meddled in her life. I played so roughly with her that I suddenly fear she may be broken forever.
And if she is, it is all my fault.
Lorelai reaches over, placing a gentle hand on mine.
“You know her better than I do, Lasta. Please, I beg of you to try and do something to stop this. I don’t know what it’ll take to get through to her, but she desperately needs help.”
“I’ll do anything and everything I can. I promise you that.”
She leaves me to be alone.
Gods, how selfish could I have been with Krista? I had my fun in bed with her, but was any of this worth what I’ve done? I could have been a good boss to her, a better friend! I could have been an ear to listen to her. But now I’ve left her in the dirt to deal with this by herself, and it’s not looking good.
Guilt hits me hard. I know I’m responsible for this mess that Krista’s in. There’s no one else to blame but me, but I won’t leave her to pull herself out of this. She may be all smiles on the outside, but I know now for a fact that that woman is wounded on the inside
She needs my help, but what can I do to bring stability back into her life? I have no idea if she will even let me get close to her.
The relationship between us is over and buried, that much is certain. One thing I didn’t plan for is to be doing the same to Krista herself.
Selliss’ words from yesterday echo in my head.
Whatever happens after you leave this room will be a direct consequence of what you choose to do.
He was right. I made my choice and now I am experiencing the aftershock. I’m not worried about me, though. Right now, Krista needs me. I owe it to her to clean up my mess.
22
KRISTA
“If you bite your feet, you won’t be able to play with your siblings,” I warn the little rascal that keeps shoving his feet into his mouth.
I pull them away, but he insists on nibbling them for some reason. I wonder who he got this peculiar habit from. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t from the Princess. But if it’s from the Prince…
“You’re going to be a handful to your parents. Hopefully your father will go easy on you,” I tell him, even though he doesn't quite listen yet.
The Princess was here just a few minutes ago but needed to take care of some royal duties. I’m getting used to the brunt of childcare since there’s no other way to do it. Besides, taking care of multiple children helps distract me from thinking about Lasta.
I miss him terribly. Despite the long hours of a sleepless night, my heart can’t settle with the fact that it’s over between us. I saw him the other day, passing through here – the garden where we used to meet. I thought maybe, even for a moment, that he longed for me the same way.
I wipe my eyes, not wanting the babies to see me cry. The nibbler holds his arms up, and I pick him up. Soon, two of his siblings ask for the same treatment.
I let out a laugh, albeit sadly. “I’m not as strong as you little ones think.”
They don’t care and pull on the hems of my skirt. Relenting, I fix the nibbler and try to fit in his siblings. They squeal in delight, but it quickly turns into who gets the most attention from me.
“No, no, stop it. Don’t do that. I’ll have to put all of you down if you start fighting,” I try to warn them. And the tears start to fall as they cling harder to me. I sigh deeply, admitting defeat. “Alright, I’m sorry, don’t cry. Geez, I can never scold any of you.”
I snuggle them close to me, clinging to any sort of affection. Anything that will fill this void inside of me. It’s not fair for me to use these babies as a replacement, but I can’t help myself from cherishing the chance to feel wanted.
Unable to withstand the weight of the babies, I sit on the grass, still holding them close. The other part of the litter notices and stops playing to come crawling toward me. I’m nearly tackled down, but they take some air out of me.
Where’s the other nanny? She told me she’d bring the snacks.
The royal babies climb all over me. Grabbing whatever limb they can to beat the other siblings in this game of attention. They’re little hands tickle me, though, and once I start giggling, they all follow suit.
At least I have these precious creatures to love,I think to myself.
“Looks like you’re having fun today,” I hear Lorelai from behind me.
