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“I tried to leave, but he was always there, waiting to hurt me again. One day, a friend of his came over and they got into an argument. I grabbed the bag I kept under my bed and went out the window while he was distracted. There was a little bit of money in it from the allowance my mom used to give me when she was alive. I was saving to buy an older car. The money didn’t last long. I tried to get a job, but no one wanted a sixteen-year-old kid who had no skills. I didn’t even know how to drive.” My birth certificate was in my bag. I’d grabbed it after my mom died. It gave me comfort to see my name and hers on the certificate. “Occasionally there were shelters or enough money where I could get a motel room cheap so I could shower. Some men paid me more than others.”
Turning, I looked him in the eyes. A few tears had slipped down my cheeks. “I did things I’m not proud of, but they fed me most of the time. They fed Starry. I couldn’t afford a place to live, choosing to use what little I got for nourishment rather than shelter. Even in those places where I could afford to rent a room, they came with their own risks.
“I used to think about ending my life. There was a bridge I’d stand on and stare down at the river, knowing if I jumped, that would be it. I couldn’t swim. Every time I stood there, I backed away. I couldn’t do it. Starry found me at one of my lowest moments. She gave me a reason to live. I haven’t felt like that since she came into my life. It was just… When I thought life couldn’t get worse, it would. Most of the men I met would pay me. Some tried to recruit me to work for them. When I’d decline, they’d beat me before they raped me, telling me I’d regret turning them down.” My bottom lip trembled. “I haven’t felt as safe as I do now in a long time.”
Reed had tears pooling in his eyes. “Can I hug you?”
I nodded and dove for him, holding on to him, being embraced like I hadn’t since my mom was alive. Sobs wracked my body as memories slammed into me of better times, when I used to have someone who gave a shit about me. I never truly mourned her. I couldn’t when I was being abused every night. When I was too scared to come home from school. When I couldn’t tell a soul because he’d threatened to kill anyone I spoke to about it. God, I’d been so afraid for so long and here I was crying on Reed’s shoulder. I was in a safe space with someone who cared.
The front door opened, causing me to jump away from Reed. I quickly wiped at my tear-streaked cheeks and tried to suck in much-needed air.
Casper stood inside the house, the closed door at his back, with a white plastic bag in his hand and his eyes on us. “What happened?” He came closer until he dropped the bag and kneeled on the other side of Reed on the couch. Taking Reed’s cheeks in his hands, he looked him over. “Are you hurt?”
Reed shook his head and reached for my hand. I hadn’t realized I let go of him when the door opened. “I’m okay. Elic and I were just talking.”
Casper’s eyes moved to me. “Are you okay? Did something happen?”
“Only me sharing my fucked-up past,” I said with a watery smile. I had to laugh or else I’d cry harder.
“It’s in the past for a reason,” Casper said. “You’re here now, with us. No one’s going to hurt you ever again.”
“You can’t promise that.”
“Watch me.” He glanced down at Reed, who looked at Casper like the world revolved around him. Casper’s thumb stroked over Reed’s cheek. “You sure?”
“I’m good.” Casper nodded once and backed away just as fast as he arrived. He lifted the bag from the floor and took it into the kitchen. “I’m going to get you a glass of water, so you can start taking the medication Aunt Nora prescribed.”
Reed fell back against the couch and let out a long, shaky breath. “Whatever you see or hear, Elic, please keep it to yourself,” he whispered.
“About you and Casper?”
He turned, eyes searching mine.
“It was easy to piece together. Your secrets are safe with me.”
“We’re nothing really,” Reed muttered.
“You’re something, even if neither of you wants to admit it.”
Reed was quiet for a while, even when Casper came and went, bringing me my medicine, not wanting to hear about me paying him back. Reed stayed on the couch by my side, holding my hand. I wasn’t sure what to think, but I didn’t push him away.
Every time a guy touched me in the years past, it was because they wanted something from me, whether or not I gave it willingly. To have Reed here, with his hand in mine, was comforting. If he sought it too, or just me, it didn’t matter.
What Reed offered was already so profound. A place to stay, a job. Casper wanted to protect me. If I ended up with friendships as well, it would be like winning the lottery.
Eventually, Reed fell asleep by my side, with his head resting on my shoulder. I wanted to move and stretch out my muscles but didn’t dare. He was so peaceful, his face lax.
Casper entered the living room, stopping when he saw Reed’s position. Emotion flickered over his face, fleeting as it was. Casper fought demons within himself, that much was clear. Whatever happened or continued happening between the two of them, it weighed on them both.
I was merely a spectator, watching from the outside. Though, was I really on the outside now that I was in the middle of whatever they had going on? If there was anything I could do to help, I would. What that was, I had no clue. They needed something.
Peering up at Casper, I studied him. From his blond hair that was longer on top and shaved on the sides, to his scruff-covered jaw and the muscle that ticked the longer he looked at Reed. His arms were tense with corded muscles, tattoos snaking over his skin. The gray T-shirt he wore accentuated his broad chest. His jeans were slung low on his hips. They were tighter in the thighs, showing off the power he had there as well.
If I hadn’t gotten to know him the little I had, I’d easily be afraid of him. This close, I could see his fierceness wasn’t anger at the world. It was a protective streak a mile wide. Casper didn’t say much, didn’t need to, for me to understand Reed was very special to him. Whatever they were, it was their business, and mine, I guessed. I had a front-row seat to whatever it was.
6
CASPER
