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Casper, Dash, and Slater were on board with me while our other bus carried those who toured with us. We liked our privacy away from everyone else. I trusted Dash and Slater with my life. Casper, well, I trusted him more than the others. They didn’t have the power to obliterate me though. Not like he did.
A muscular arm wrapped around my waist, dragging my back toward a firm chest. Casper didn’t need to say the words for me to know how he felt. He got like this every time we were about to part ways. Our time together was coming to an end.
On tour was where I gave in and let him consume my body, which he did. I kept my heart and my feelings locked so deep inside; I wondered what he saw when he looked at me. I still felt every one of them. They churned in me, waiting for that moment of release where they could finally be set free in the safety of my house.
When we were on the road, I was the only one Casper had his eyes on, and only in private. Never in public. God fucking forbid he acted like I was more than his stepbrother when we were in front of others and it had nothing to do with us being related.
I still loved him so much my heart ached and my stomach knotted. Parting ways was something I didn’t want either, but if we stayed like this, I’d never come up for air. I’d allow him access to every part of me. And when he left, which he always did when it became too much, there’d be nothing left of me.
Slater and Dash were the only ones who knew about the fucked-up relationship Casper and I had. Oh, and our bus driver, who was more of a second mother to us while we were away from home. The Meadows brothers worried about me and got pissed at Casper. They still loved him like a brother, but hated how I was when we first got home.
Separating from Casper was like I imagined going through detox was. The withdrawal was brutal, but as time wore on, it got easier. At least until the temptation was back in my face for family dinners and band nights at the restaurant our family owned.
There had to be a way to finally be free of him though. Then he wouldn’t own my heart any longer. Even thinking about it made me nauseous. I wanted him down to my very bones, yet he made it perfectly clear I was nothing more than a toy to him. Then again, wasn’t I using him too? I knew the score and kept going back for more.
It was in moments like the one I was in now when he held me close, like he was afraid I was about to disappear, I questioned how much Casper cared about me. Looking into his eyes, no matter how hard he tried to keep a mask in place, I could see more in there. The more he never let leave his lips.
Working my fingers under his arm, I tried to pry him off of me. It took some maneuvering before I wiggled loose. I slid to the edge of the bed and stood to put on a pair of boxer briefs, dragging them up my legs. Slater and Dash had seen me naked. I tried not to flash them my dick all the time, which was currently hard from having Casper pressed against me. I also really had to fucking pee.
Stepping into the hallway, the scent of fresh coffee greeted me, as did the soft chords of whatever new song Slater was working on. His fingers moved over the strings like he was born to play. Where Casper was broody moodiness, which the fans ate up, Slater was one with the music. He was calm and, more times than not, closed his eyes while he played, every note ingrained in his memory.
I went into the bathroom to take care of business and quickly brushed my teeth. By the light pouring into the bus up front, my guess was we were getting closer to home. We’d gotten on the road as soon as the last show ended.
Back in the bedroom, Casper was sitting up with the sheet pooled at his waist, his glorious, tattooed chest and arms on display, his phone held in his hand, his eyes intent on it. He didn’t acknowledge me, already starting to pull away.
Rooting around in the bag I’d packed; I found a pair of jeans that made my ass look good and pulled them on. I kept my back to Casper. I shouldn’t taunt him, but I couldn’t help it. When I was with him, I wasn’t Reed Ashford, lead singer of one of the hottest rock bands. I was just Reed. No fake personas. No perceived rock god who people fantasized about.
Casper didn’t take the bait, instead staying in bed while I pulled a T-shirt over my head. I swept my hair out of my face. It was past my chin now. I had it dyed in streaks of pink for the tour. I liked changing the color often while leaving some of my natural dark brown hair visible.
I had to resist giving Casper the finger. Fuck him and his bullshit. Just when I thought he was feeling something, he shut down, effectively putting me in the box he’d made for me. The one where I existed purely for his needs when and where he wanted me.Prick.
Anger fueled me forward, out of the room. I had to grasp ahold of the emotion and keep it close because I wasn’t usually an angry person. If I didn’t hold on to that anger, I’d melt back into bed with him and act like the wall wasn’t already separating us.
After getting a cup of coffee and saying good morning to Slater and Dash, I walked toward the front of the bus. I slid the divider aside that kept us separated from Molly. She took on the role of our road mother. Not only did she drive us, but she made sure we had at least one well-rounded meal a day. My parents were grateful for her. They knew Casper and I were safe in her hands.
Molly was a truck driver, who wanted something else to do after she lost her husband. They never had kids. Instead of letting the recording label bring on one of their drivers, we wanted someone who felt like they were ours. Who didn’t consider this a job but was called to it like we were. Enter Molly. She was five foot six, with a curvy figure and a head of wavy silver hair.
“Hey, honey,” she said in greeting. “We’ve got a bit yet before we’ll pull into the farm.”
I glanced out the window and noted we were driving through a not so nice city at a slow pace. “Accident?”
“Mmhhmm. We’ll crawl for a bit before we get through the worst of it.”
We slowed as traffic backed up. Looking at the clock, I saw it was lunchtime. The congestion made sense then. Everyone was on their lunch breaks. The accident compounded it.
Molly sighed. “It hurts my heart every time I see people out here like this.”
Following her line of sight, I noticed a man walking up ahead on the sidewalk. He was limping and his clothes were more like sheets hanging on him. There was a brown and white dog trotting by his side wearing a leash. The closer we got, I saw it was made of rope and the man’s clothes looked like they hadn’t been washed in weeks. There was a bag over his shoulder with a tear at the top, most likely holding his belongings.
I wanted to stop and ask him if he needed help. It wouldn’t be the first time. A habit of mine was wanting to rescue everyone, as Casper liked to say. I didn’t see it that way. If I had the money and could help others, why wouldn’t I? I donated to various organizations, but I didn’t see the direct impact. When I could hand the money to someone in need, that felt better. I knew it was going to them. Yes, there were scammers out there. People who didn’t need the money but still asked for it. I’d gotten good at telling them apart from the others. The man ahead of us, he was in dire need.
“Don’t,” I heard from behind me. I didn’t need to turn around to see Casper’s disapproving frown. He’d known exactly what I was about to do.
I ignored him and kept my eyes on the man as we continued to move at a snail’s pace along the busy street. A group of men were walking in the opposite direction. I could see their sneers from where I stood on the bus. It had my instincts going on high alert. Before I could tell Molly to stop, they shoved the other man hard to the ground. He crumpled to his side. The dog stood near him, looking up at the men with its teeth bared. One of them tried to kick the dog but luckily missed.
Fuck this.
Molly was already applying the brakes and opening the door, knowing full well what I was about to do.
