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Nodding, I pulled him close until he could wrap his arms around us.
“I already told Reed, but this isn’t going to be easy,” Casper said. “Being with two men is a lot to navigate.”
We shared breaths, completely in each other’s spaces. If it were anyone else, I’d run as far and fast away as I could. With Casper and Reed, I wanted them to keep me in this space forever. I hadn’t felt safe and cared for in a long time, but it went beyond that. They were giving me things I hadn’t realized I needed so badly.
“We’ll figure it out,” I whispered. “I don’t want to think about the how or when or what. I just want to be.”
“I don’t know how to do this. I’ve never been in a committed relationship before.”
“You have, Cas,” Reed told him. “All the years we’d been together. You didn’t say the words, but we both knew when we were together on the road, there was no one else.”
“Are we in a relationship?” I asked. “If we’re not and just feeling our way through this, that’s okay. I’m also fine if we are, though I’ll probably suck at it. I’ve never had this—someone who was mine and cared about me, it’s a bit of a foreign concept.”
“We’ll start slow,” Reed murmured. “I think we all need it, not just you. This is an adjustment. I don’t know how to be with Cas, outside of us getting off or sharing a bed occasionally. We’ve been hot and cold, no in between. We work up to the big stuff, okay?”
“You mean no fucking, right?” Casper asked. “Spell shit out for me, so I don’t confuse things.”
“No fucking… yet,” I added. “I don’t want it completely off the table. What if we go with what feels right?”
Reed nodded. “I like that. And you’ll have to give us the green flag, okay? Cas and I can go from zero to a hundred, but we won’t with you.”
“I don’t want to be treated differently.”
“Let us care for you, Elic. Are you really going to turn down the attention of two rock gods?”
I laughed while Casper groaned. “You didn’t seriously just say that.”
“What?” Reed’s grin was big.
“Tomorrow night, I want to cook you both dinner,” I told them. “Your mom taught me a new recipe I’d like to try. It’ll be a way to celebrate us.”
“Us,” Casper whispered, like he was testing the word, tasting it.
“Yeah, baby, us.” Reed leaned forward to kiss Casper’s cheek where he still rested against me. Reed’s eyes met mine next, and I gave him a small nod. He came closer. I held my breath, knowing what was coming, but couldn’t believe he was about to kiss me, even if it wasn’t on my lips.
Reed feathered his lips over my cheek. I didn’t exhale until he pulled away.
He was right. I needed to let them care for me because I couldn’t remember anyone kissing me like that, and it was only on my cheek. I was used to men handling me however they pleased. This… with Casper and Reed… I wanted it all.
16
REED
The couch cradled my body as I sank my back deeper into it. Casper, Dash, and Slater were in front of me in my home studio. They were trying various sounds they’d been working on while I gave my input as needed.
In the four days since Casper, Elic, and I decided to give this thing between us a go, I’d written the lyrics to one song and started another. Casper even began to put music to the completed one, but he got frustrated and stuck, so we invited Slater and Dash over to try to work through it.
Casper was on the verge of getting up and leaving the room. I could tell by the way he kept clenching and unclenching his fist, as well as his jaw. The muscle there popped every now and then. He’d stopped playing ten minutes ago, while the Meadows brothers bounced ideas back and forth.
“It’s not the same,” I cut in. “You’ve drifted too far from what Cas originally had. It’s good, but not for this song.”
“You’re just happy because Cas isn’t hate fucking you anymore and is looking at you all sweet now,” Dash said with a grin.
“Cas never hate fucked me. He’s loved me most of his life but couldn’t express it.”
“Love doesn’t equal pain,” Slater murmured from his spot on the stool near Dash and his drum kit.
“Friendship doesn’t equal pain either, but if you want to run your mouth, I’m sure I can change that,” Casper shot back.
