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“You can’t control who you love.”
“No, but you can control how much you allow that love to destroy you. Thank you, El. You’re good for Reed and Casper. Take care of them.”
I wanted to offer Slater comfort, tell him he could talk to me, but why would he want to speak with one of the people Reed was interested in? Instead, I gently touched his arm, hoping it conveyed how sorry I was.
Slater hurt Reed and Casper. For that, I was still a bit angry at him. But I wasn’t there when it happened, and their fight wasn’t mine. Seeing him like this, down and upset, made me wonder how long he’d been in love with one of his best friends, and how long he tortured himself by having to be one of the people who picked Reed up when Casper let him fall.
23
REED
Darkness bathed the room, concealing the time of night unless I decided to roll over and check my phone, which I didn’t. The bed had molded to my body since I hadn’t moved in hours.
Last night, once we got Casper into my bed, I refused to leave except to go to the bathroom. I didn’t want him to wake and find he was alone. Knowing him as I did, he’d beat himself up significantly before Elic or I could put a stop to it.
Yesterday was a shitshow of epic proportions. I couldn’t remember the last time we’d called the cops on someone at the restaurant. Even when I was touring, I knew what went on there. Our family kept us in the loop.
But this wasn’t calling the police because of a drunk idiot who tried to start a fight or drive home when they shouldn’t have. I wasn’t in the room when Casper confronted him. When we got to the restaurant, I had a choice to make. Find and comfort Elic or figure out what was going on. I left that to Casper and went to be with Elic.
In the corner of my sister’s office, I found Elic backed to the wall with his knees to his chest and his arms wrapped around them. He jolted when I opened the door but didn’t move otherwise. I closed and locked it behind me, hoping it would give him a sense of safety. Whoever was out there had obviously scared him.
Shaking with tears running down his face, Elic whispered brokenly who the man was. That was all I could get out of him. I didn’t ask for more; I didn’t need to know. That asshole tried to get near Elic. He deserved whatever punishment Casper dealt him. And Casper would hit him. For all the shit we’d been through, he was always there when someone caused trouble, always putting himself in the middle to keep me safe. Now, he was doing it for Elic too.
By the time we got out of the office after me assuring Elic no one would get near him, we entered the main floor and saw Casper angrier than I’d seen him before. On the heels of that, was having to watch him fall apart. Not on the outside, no, Casper was damn good at internalizing. The only way I knew what was happening was by his face falling.
Immediately, I wanted to rush after him when he left, but I couldn’t. The police needed to talk to Elic, and I wouldn’t let him go through that alone.
Then there was Dash and Slater, who my sister must have called. I was still pissed as hell at Slater, but also grateful he and his brother came to help.
Casper was easy to find. He wasn’t a social drinker. He didn’t go to bars and want to be around strangers. When he drank years ago, that was alone, or when the band was nearby. I knew because I’d been worried about him. Even though I actively dated others, Casper never left my mind. I went to check on him once when he’d holed up in his penthouse for days. Inside, I found him face down on the couch with an empty bottle on the floor beside him. Not once did he stir as I cleaned up and left without telling him what I’d done.
To find him drunk again, after I thought we were past that, it hurt. But it hurt him and Elic more. Casper hadn’t touched the shit for years. One look at Elic, thinking it was all his fault Elic was upset, sent Casper right to the source of what would make the world fall away.
I sighed softly. He was going to be upset when he woke, and hungover. That was why I had a glass of water and something for the inevitable headache on the nightstand, ready for him.
Elic stirred in the chair along the wall but quickly slipped back into sleep. He insisted on taking the chair instead of getting into bed with us or sleeping in his room. Elic was worried he’d have a nightmare after seeing his stepfather again. Not wanting to lash out at me or Casper in his sleep, Elic stayed in the chair. It took everything in me not to bring him to the bed. I wouldn’t go against what he wanted, so I left him there, covered with a blanket, and alternated my worries between him and Casper.
My broken men. I’d help heal them if they’d let me. They’d help heal each other too.
Casper’s lips smacked quietly, his mouth surely dry and gross. He groaned, throwing his arm over his eyes as he rolled onto his back. The movement brought his other arm to mine, where they touched, and he groaned again. His knuckles were still swollen. I had one of my arms under my head, unable to sleep, content to spend hours wondering what the hell was going to happen next. Nothing, I hoped.
Turning, Casper blinked his eyes open to look at me. The light was on in the hallway, but the door was mostly closed, only letting a bit of light through. I didn’t want Casper or Elic to be startled when they woke, wondering where they were.
“Reed?” Casper asked, his voice rough.
I placed my hand on his stomach, slowly rubbing my thumb back and forth. “I’m here.”
“How did I get here?”
“We carried you, then drove, then carried you again.”
“Shit,” he muttered. “You should have let me be.”
“So, you remember drinking yourself stupid then?”
He sat up partway before his eyes squeezed shut and he pinched his lips.
I rolled to grab the water and pills. “Take these and drink all of this. It will help you feel better.”
