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If I lose focus for even a second, I will end up taking my father away just to lock him up and torture him for twice the number of days he tortured me. I'll invite Lev to watch, teaching him new ways to skin a man while keeping him alive, only to let the wounds heal and do it all over again.
We will both harden and become bitter shells of ourselves as we take and take from the man who stole from us, but I can’t let that happen. I can’t let my father's actions dictate mine.
Last week, I was sitting with Dr. K, trying to process everything that needed to happen when I asked her if she thought we would ever be able to be happy.
I’ll never forget the moment her pale blue eyes looked up at me as she said, “Happiness isn’t something that happens to you.It’s something youchoosefor yourself. It’s not something you are. It’s someone youbecome.”
I don’t know how we will move on from what just happened, but I do know I am ready tochooseto be happy with my family.
So, without thinking or speaking, I grab the hilt of my sword and violently swing it in an arc until the blade sticks deep in the sand from sheer force and my father's head separates from his body to land by my feet.
Silence stretches out, but my eyes stay pinned on the man who gave me life. He didn’t deserve to breathe another molecule of oxygen.
Chapter 59
We had agreed Damien would take his father’s life. I thought my father might have something to say to that, but he yielded fairly quickly. When I saw the rage on his face a moment ago, I thought he might have changed his mind, but then he backed away.
In true Damien fashion, he found a way to stun us all into silence, even himself, when he cut off his father’s head.
We all deal with a fair share of torture, but having a head fall from a body mere feet from my perfectly polished shoes is not something I had mentally prepared for. Do not get me wrong, I am not bothered by the sight, just extremely surprised.
My father walks to my side and places a hand on my shoulder. It is a relief to see him finally. I was not privy to the plan to fake his death, a plot created by my genius wife. It was only a few minutes that I believed he was dead, but my soul was still damaged.
The reason I had such a hard time taking over everything was because he was gone, apparently in hiding. Yet, when I was not able to contact him for a few days, I thought about how things had been left between us. I realized then that I had forgiven him for the past, and all I wanted was to move forward, towards our future.
Evie was prepared to take over should he need to stay dead for a while and had already prepared Nessa and Laney to help. Damien was on damage control with me, and Lev helped as I processed. I am sure it was not a difficult task for them to watch me cook into the late hours of the night while they devoured every bit of my creations.
I am grateful to Evie for helping me accept all of these things at the cabin. I did not know how to process my father being gone as we were thrown into his world. I never planned for it. As much as I hated him at times, I always looked up to him. I wanted to be him, and I needed him there for me to do that and guide me each step of the way.
However, when it came down to it, I did not have him. And it turns out, that was okay. I learned to rely on my new family. I gained a new skill of trust with them as we navigated our new roles . It was seamless. The way we all work together will no doubt help us create the most powerful organization to ever rule.
“Glad to have you back, Father,” I say with a nod as Nessa clings to his other side.
She missed him too. I thought I would be able to scare her away from him while he was gone for those first three days, but it turned out my efforts only made her love the man more. Laneywas sure to call Evie the night my father returned to complain about the noise he and Nessa were making. It makes me want to vomit at times, but I have chosen to accept their love just like my father accepted mine.
“It is good to be back.”
Chapter 60
Bats, water, dead bodies, the smell of rot and decay. All of the nightmares of my past slowly invade my mind. While I know it’s all a trick, I can’t get myself to believe it. All I know is that I need to run.
My legs stumble, feeling like jelly from whatever drugs they got into my system. But I can’t think about that. I need to get to a boat, I need to get away.
I’m in a dark cave, the only thing helping me stay sane is my friend, sitting by my side. He came on this mission withme, and we thoroughly fucked it up. We were caught trying to assassinate the leader of a gang here in Columbia.
They had more fire power than we expected, and we ended up fleeing into a nearby cave. We ran until the rocks split off, trying to keep our wits about us, but it’s only our third job.
Havoc takes my hand, pulling me to what looks like a set of stairs in the rocks. We shimmy over a ledge before pushing ourselves into a crack in the wall.
It’s so small we have to take shallow breaths because our lungs don’t have space to fully expand. Rocks and dirt embed themselves into our skin as we push deeper into the crevice.
Men come running under us, and we don’t breathe for fear of being caught. You can’t see that the crevice is large enough to hide someone until you go up the stairs, and even then, you have to be looking for it.
Plus, we are so far back that the dark keeps us well hidden. The sound of dogs and people running around continues to reach our ears for hours. We don’t move though. Eventually, all seems quiet, but we stay there a while longer.
When the lights of the search team fade, the cave becomes pitch black, and we are swallowed by darkness. The rock is wet, making us cold enough that we can’t rest, but it’s nothing compared to the squeaking.
A loud sound that rocks the walls around us causes a swarm of bats to fly through the crevice and into the larger opening. They screech and call to each other while flying past us. Some stop to bite at the flesh in their way while others shit on us and keep going. It feels like it goes on forever.
